“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be hurt,
Sing like there’s nobody listening,
And live like it’s heaven on earth.”
– William W. Purkey
It’s true… When nobody’s there, we tend to let go? I mean I can honestly say that I do… You never feel more free to be yourself, act crazy or whatever you’re in the mood for than when you’re by yourself… This is something we, or I, shouldn’t just do when I’m alone… I should get the strength and confidence to do what I want when I want… Because only then are you living life to the fullest. Just block out your thoughts, the negative ones, forget about people that don’t matter… Who cares what they think, right?
We all want to believe that… But let’s not kid ourselves. We do care. Most people do care what others think. Personally I’m very bad at that. When it comes to certain things I don’t care… But most things, I do care… I don’t want to embarrass myself, I don’t want to put myself out there… I know this is something I need to work on. My main goal these days is to live life to the fullest. But you can never fully live if you worry all the time. Caring what others think of what you do is worrying… I want to stop worrying. I want to stop having thoughts spin around my mind constantly. Quite frankly getting a moment of no thoughts would be great.
I’m an over-thinker. I think and think and think and think. And while I’m having a thought I’ll add another one to it. It’s endless sometimes. Every move I make I’m thinking about the outcome, the consequences, what people think and say, what someone saw and thought … All the time… It’s exhausting. The worst thing is that I can’t help it. But now I’m admitting to it. Confessing to something takes you a step closer to solving the problem – so I believe.
I know I need to change this aspect of my life… The quote says it perfectly. It outlines how to live life to the fullest… I know I’m not there just yet… Are you?
“Love like you’ll never be hurt” … That’s a good one too… I am not the kind of person anyone would describe as an open book – I know I’m not too. I have such a hard time opening up to people, I think it all lies in the fact that I’m scared to get hurt… But it’s true, one should love like getting hurt is impossible… Why not? If you can truly give yourself 100% like that… Who knows, maybe you wont get hurt in the end… Unless you choose to commit 100% then you’ll never be able to love with all your heart. That’s my problem. I’m not ready to commit 100% to anyone just yet.
I’m scared to let myself get hurt, I can’t let myself be that vulnerable… I guess it all comes down to my past? The cliché “daddy issues” maybe… Or maybe I’m just scared to be loved by a man? Either way I am a strong woman, so putting my guards down is one of the things that scares me the most. It’s like a crab without its shell – without it I am exposed to danger. Exposure isn’t my thing… Which makes it hard for people to enter my heart and hard for them to see my true colors…
But who knows what time will bring…
I’m a work in progress – a woman in progress… I’m an unfinished sculpture; it’s not (and never is) too late to make changes.