Life goes on …




Lesson of the day: Life goes on. 

Something we don’t think about on a daily basis… But it’s true life does go on, no matter what.
It’s like time… It’s constantly in motion, time doesn’t wait for anyone… Well neither does life. Life and time go hand in hand. 

Today the life goes on quote fits well… I’ve officially broken up with my ‘boyfriend’, so I guess now it would be appropriate to refer to him as ex-boyfriend … Although to me it felt like we had broken up when we even started talking about the issue, it seems like that wasn’t the case for him… He’s having such a hard time letting go. When I said it, it was like he was shocked. I don’t get it? He was like, ‘so now we’re broken up?’ … Well, yes? What else did you think was going to be the outcome… 
I hate to break his heart. But he needs to wake up… He’s living in his own little fairytale. I’m not sure whats up with him… 

Here’s the story behind it all … 

We started dating around 3.5 years ago … The first 1-1.5 years were amazing. We had sex frequently, we were in love, we loved each other so very much… The way we were and how we felt about each other … It was just magical. Most people couldn’t understand how we were still so much in love after it had been more than a year… Anyway … Around 1.5 years into the relationship I just wasn’t feeling it anymore – this would’ve been 2 years ago now… I didn’t feel like having sex and was sort of depressed as well. A lot of changes and things had happened in my life, but luckily I had him by my side to get through it. 
At first I thought it was depression that made me not want to have sex, or maybe it was my birth control pills, maybe it was my lifestyle, maybe it was my studies … I kept wondering about what it could be. 
A year later (now almost 1 year ago) I found something that made me happy and kept me on track (and still is) which was fitness… Now although I didn’t feel depressed anymore and my new lifestyle was making me feel better etc. I still didn’t want to have sex… Or my lust for it was there… But I just didn’t want to have sex with him … And now we’re here. 

To make a long story short: we haven’t really had sex the last 2 years. Maybe we’ve had sex 6 times or less even… 
And within this year it got so bad that I no longer wanted him to touch me in any way or even kiss me. I didn’t even want to kiss him. Felt like a pain in the ass to do it, like I was forced to … 

So obviously this relationship wasn’t optimal for any of us… Not to mention abnormal and should’ve ended long ago. Now since he didn’t end it well I had to … 
This is what I think is the weirdest part – the matter of fact that he doesn’t want to break up. The matter of fact that he can’t not only realize but see that this isn’t right. It’s so weird. I can’t even believe he’s stuck around for so long and in the end I’m the one breaking up… It seems so unreal. He says it all doesn’t matter because he loves me and he’s willing to sacrifice himself to keep me… 
Although thats sweet and all I don’t want him to sacrifice himself. I don’t want to be in this relationship (which I’m not anymore) but I think it’s crazy how he sees this. He’s not old, he’s still young.. And so am I. Yet he’s acting like we’re so much older. As I’ve mentioned before … We’re not at an age where we need to settle or be satisfied with less than what we want. 

Am I the crazy one? Or has he still just not grown? 

Feels like he’s floating around on his own little cloud of dreams and not seeing the world and reality around him … 


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