“Don’t cry beca…

“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
– Dr. Seuss

It’s funny how I’ve been so down lately… My thoughts were going to and fro all the time. I was in constant conflict with myself, doubtful and on the horns of a dilemma… 

I can’t believe I’ve gone for so long feeling like that and having my head full of so many unnecessary thoughts. I can’t believe I’ve been walking around with the same problems and thoughts for 2 years straight… 

I’ve felt so freed these last couple of days. So liberated. Just happy… My mind has been sort of cleared. I feel like a massive weight has been lifted off my shoulders. 
I’ve learned one valuable lesson though: always do what feels right for you. I’m not a heartless or selfish person, so putting myself first hasn’t been my thing… 
But lately I’ve realized that there is no other way. I have to think of myself, how I feel… I’ve stayed in a relationship for 2 years too long because I was thinking of his feelings, how he would feel. It’s just not right… 

In the end, if he’s happy and I’m unhappy, well then it can be questioned whether or not he really is happy? Fake happiness isn’t happiness… 
I realize that now… I see that the other persons happiness really relies on my happiness as well. If I’m not happy the other person can never be truly happy either. If I fake it I end up hurting that person more … Now he doesn’t know this. He doesn’t know that I’ve been feeling so strongly about this for 2 years… I don’t plan on telling him either, no need to hurt him for no reason… 

Anyway I just feel so much ‘lighter’ these days. A serious weight has been lifted and I feel happy and alive. 

I’m not going to lie, it’s nice to have a partner, someone to spend time with. Cuddling, kissing and just having someone by your side… But it needs to feel 100% right… Otherwise there is no point. Then you’re just using the other person, in the end if you really care and love them you will let go of them – because they deserve better… 
So here I am today. 

I feel better because I am no longer ‘lying’ to someone I care about. I’m not deceiving them and I’m making sure they get the opportunity to go and find the love they deserve… 
At the same time I also get to go search for this… 

Rome wasn’t build in a day. Life wasn’t supposed to be easy (what would be the fun in that??).  There’s a time for everything. My time right now is to enjoy myself. 
… But I do hope I’ll find that one person one day, who will just sweep me off my feet and have me in his arms forever because my knees will be too soft to stand on my own… 

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