Happy new year everyone!
So once again I am in a state of being confused. Im not sure what to do …
First of all, I hope you all had a great start to your year and a smooth transition… Let’s just say my first kiss in 2014 was with a gay guy – and I am now quite traumatized by the event! haha.
Anyway … My confusion. I feel like Im lost in space. I can’t stop thinking about ‘that guy’. Why is he on my mind all the time? Constantly! Am I obsessed? In love? In need of something? Why?
I hate this feelings. I hate not being in control. I hate that Im alone when all I want to do is cuddle and/or have someone to hang with whenever I want/need to.
It’s hard to go from being in a relationship for 3.5 years to being single. But I’m dealing with it one step at a time. It’s a new year, a year that calls for a new life and beginning because big changes have been made in my life.
I’m ready. I’m ready for you 2014. This is my year. This year will be something new – without a doubt.
One step at a time. One day at a time. One change at a time.
I’m ready to be who I want to be, I’m ready to do what I want to do, I’m ready to finally live.
It’s hard, but I will do it, baby steps.
I’m going to take control of my life and live for me, myself and I. I’m done living for others.
I deserve to be happy as much as the next person. I need to start putting myself first.
I need to stop seeing my ex bf as often as I do. Seeing him almost everyday for workouts isn’t healthy – and it’s not ‘normal’… At least I don’t feel that it is. But it’s difficult. I just need to deal with the loss.
Loneliness is an awful feeling so is grieve and sadness. But if you don’t allow yourself to grieve and get over things – then you’ll never be able to truly move on. I just have to deal with the pain. I just have to face my feelings and reality. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. Very cliché but very true.
We love. We hurt. We learn. We become wiser. We grow.