No it’s not.
I used to think that it was a big deal, that sex means so much bla bla bla… No it doesn’t. Well not necessarily that is. Sex can mean a lot, but unless there are some serious strong feelings involved … Well then it doesn’t really mean much.
I’m not that experienced when it comes to sex… Or even love and relationships for that matter. I’ve been in love maybe twice, loved someone to death once, had one boyfriend, kissed many and had sex with two. Yes two, my number went from one to two in this new year.
I really thought (and feared) that having sex with a second person would be all that or mean so much to me… I was scared of how I would feel, that I’d get too attached, that I’d get hurt etc. etc. … Reality: none of the above mentioned happened. Actually I didn’t feel anything but sore really. I didn’t feel different or anything… I actually didn’t even care?
The sex wasn’t great, I mean… I do think he knows his stuff and knows how to please a woman… But trouble was… I haven’t had sex in so long and I haven’t had a penis his size. It was a good size, it wasn’t humongous (thank god) but it was sort of just perfect, not too fat and just right in length. BUT I haven’t had a length like that so … It was sort of like a first time experience. It felt so weird. I mean I could feel him so far in, I’ve never felt that before… So it was all very, unfamiliar and new… Again, sort of like a virgin experience. So I wasn’t all that comfortable and couldn’t really enjoy it much. I just let him do his thing.
The weirdest part was when he was inside me and he said “What did he even do?”, referring to my ex-boyfriend and questioning his skills in bed, as he could see I wasn’t too comfortable. I just thought… What? Instead of saying anything I just looked at him with a questioning face and shrugged as in *I dont know?*
Afterwards he said “Did he even know what he was doing? Your exboyfriend, or boyfriend, whatever.” … I was shocked. “What did you say?” I replied. “My boyfriend? Uhmm… No. Ex-boyfriend.” … Was he serious? Did he REALLY think that I would have sex with him if he was still my boyfriend? Or not to mention go down on him like I did the weekend before, or sleep over? Is he stupid? Or is he looking for a confirmation of my status?
I was confused.
He didn’t pay much attention to me during sex. Well not too much though. He tried, but he was just too excited. I needed him to be more gentle, but he couldn’t control himself. I was so distracted by the feeling being so new and because I felt like I had a serious urge to pee, I couldn’t enjoy myself, and I was really just waiting for him to finish quick!
He came. I went and cleaned myself. When I came back he was ready for another round. Oh god, really? I thought to myself. When he finished he laid beside me. “I guess you’ll have to shower again?” he laughed. I laughed, “I’ll just wipe and shower tomorrow, screw it.”
“Have you ever had an orgasm?” he questioned.
“Nope…” I replied.
“I could feel that. Well we need to change that.” He said confidently
I laughed. “Yea.”
He had to be at work at 9AM… We went to bed around 3 or 4AM … Needless to say, we were tired when the alarm rang. I didn’t feel like getting up, so I told him “I’m not getting up. You can go to work, I’ll just leave later and shut the door.”
He was in the mood. I could feel him from behind as he spooned me. I laughed, he laughed. He got up and got ready for work, he came into the bedroom, kissed me and said “See you.”. “Yea, enjoy work.” I replied.
I laid there for maybe half an hour or an hour, then I got up. Had breakfast, cleaned his bathroom (because I’m obsessive like that) and went off to the gym.
It was saturday. I was meeting up with my best friend later to smoke some shisha (hookah) and cocktails. We met up around 9PM and had a cocktail around 10.30-11PM I think. We went to this relatively new place, it was a little packed when we got there but got even more packed minutes after we arrived. As we sat there and talked about sex and had our drinks, feeling the music and eavesdropping to the conversation the group beside us were having… We decided not to end the night and just go out.
There was this relatively ‘new’ bar/club that had opened and we thought we’d go check it out. We had a few more cocktails there, we danced, it got really hot, so we went outside to get some air and cool down…
Outside we saw my ex’s friends, they were smoking. They weren’t at the same club but the club next door (thank god), we said hi and so on and then we went back in. Random fact: I later found out my ex was there too but he had (luckily) just gone inside a few minutes before we came outside. How awkward would that have been?
Anyway, we had so much fun that night and before we knew it, it was 3.30PM.
We were sitting at a table and 2 guys came and joined. They seemed nice, but not really our types. We talked to them and it was cool and all. A guy walks up to me and says “I just have to introduce you to my friend Freddy here, he’s from South Africa.” I looked at him and thought, oh gee he looks familiar. “My name is not Freddy.” He laughed. “My name is John (fictional 😉 ) “. That name, South Africa…. Something seems familiar.
I couldn’t help myself.
“You seem familiar, I think I’ve seen you before?”
He looked at me and said “I feel like I’ve seen you before too.”
I looked and suddenly it hit me. No, it couldn’t be, could it?
I blurted out, ” *the second guy I’ve had sex with’s name*’s roommate?” I asked.
“Yes! He said. You know him?”
What?? That’s so weird I thought. Conversation went on. (Quick note: They USED to be room mates, not anymore though, they were room mates last year).
He then said “Where did we meet?”
“In your apartment.” I replied.
His face changed, “Oh so have you been with him?”
Shit why is he asking me this, maybe he thought we met right before I had sex with him? No no that wasn’t how it went down.
“Oh no, back then it was because we were all supposed to go out. But then when I came you said you were tired and had to study and so on, so it didn’t happen.”
(Perfect saving – and no lie either! – True story guys, that was how it went down)
“Oh yea, I think I remember that.” He replied. “It’s weird he has never talked about you before.”
I just smiled and shrugged. Do they still talk? I wondered. Do they talk about these things? Are they close. If so, why hasn’t he mentioned me? Or did he mean back then? Hmm… My thoughts were all over the place (even more on my way home).
We talked some more, I mocked him a bit and he laughed “You know me so well!”, we talked a little more and he said “Can I have your number?”
I laughed, “No, but you can have my Facebook?”.
He looked at me confidently, “No, no, no. Your number. No Facebook or anything like that. Your number.”
He was sweet, but I had just had sex with his old room mate, his friend, 24 hours prior to this conversation. No way. Also… I never give out my number just like that.
“Sorry, but it’s Facebook or nothing.”
He kept trying, but I wouldn’t give in. In the end he gave up.
“Well, it was nice talking to you, I better go find my friends.”
I smiled. “Nice talking to you too, bye.”
When the clock hit 4.30AM we decided it was time to head home.
What a weird weekend I thought. Fun, but weird.