What’s on your mind? Just say it.

There’s been this video going around on facebook about how we try to communicate with someone we like… But instead of being honest and straightforward we try to seem ‘cool’ and careless. We don’t want to show our real emotions… 

That’s how I feel… I want to be able to say, look I feel like absolute shit. I feel so sad and yet empty inside and I don’t know what to do… But I can’t. I feel like it’s “whining”… Like Im looking for pity or something. Although Im not… But I’m just afraid it’ll seem like it… I just want to be able to express myself – to the people that matter to me. To the people I communicate with regularly… People that mean something to me… 

I make everything so difficult. Sometimes I make things harder than they are… I just don’t ever want it to seem like I’m weak… Because I’m not. I can’t be and won’t be. Ever. I’m not at a breaking point now because I’m weak… It’s because I’ve been strong on my own for too long. I’m carrying too much weight on my shoulders by myself. It’s impossible not to reach a breaking point sometime in life… 

I had a dream not long ago… A quite peculiar dream in fact… I was attending a concert, all of a sudden I was offered VIP. So I went. But then I had to leave to get something to drink and snack on. At the supermarket the cashierlady was suspicious of my friends and accusing them of being shoplifters and wouldn’t let them in the store. But I was good, she didnt mind me. So I went and got all the things we needed. When we came back to the venue we didn’t have any proof of being VIP. So we weren’t let in as VIPs… We couldn’t let it go. It resulted in trouble and we basically had to make a run from it. We split. Very weird situation. 2 guys were chasing me. And I was jumping from one end of the building to the other through balconies – yes very strange! Anyway … I ended in a room that seemed far away and safe… The room was connected to another room… As I wanted to secure my location, I went to see what the other room was all about. There I saw that some people were gathering around a table to have a meeting. There amongst all the people I spotted a familiar face… I couldn’t believe it. It was my grandfather. He looked at me and said my name. I still couldn’t believe it. I said: ‘grandpa?’ . He came towards me and I went down on my knees and hugged him as tight as I could. Then I started crying. He stroked my head and said ‘why are you crying? Don’t cry.’ 

Then I woke up. 

 

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