Return of the Matt

… Okay well that’s ‘return’ as in here on the blog and not physically IRL. 

I haven’t blogged in a while and I haven’t blogged about Matt in a while. 

Oh gosh … So many has happened. I’m not even sure I want to ‘talk’ about it, yet I’m not sure I don’t either. So here I am… 

I think it might be a good idea to get some of the things out here. After all this is a venting spot for me. 

I don’t even remember the last thing I told you about Matt… Anyway who cares. 

 

So after I had sex with him, we didn’t have the chance of meeting again… Then a lot of complications and then he went cricket on me. As in I didn’t hear from him at all. I kept telling myself that it was because of the situation he was having with a place to stay etc. 

Little did I know… That he was apparently dating someone. I found out last week, or perhaps it was the week before that, that he had a girlfriend. They had at the time been together for around a month… Which could only mean that he was dating her at the same time when he was seeing me… Which made me wonder, why? … He knows what type of person I am, I told him sex wasn’t just whatever to me and yet still? I don’t get it. Anyway … Then he’s confronted with the fact that I now know he has a girlfriend, and when our colleague asked him: ‘So how is it going with you and your girlfriend?’ he replied: ‘We’re not together anymore’. Then his phone rings, and he says: ‘oh now that we’re speaking about her, she’s calling.’ and our colleague said: ‘Well it can’t really be over as such then, if she’s calling you?’ he replied, laughing: ‘it is, she just doesn’t know it yet’… Hmm… What?! 
Now… Today in fact, he made it ‘official’ and public on Facebook that he’s in a relationship with her – again, what?! 

Nothing he ever says or does makes any sense. He’s such a douchebag. Why would you say something like that? I don’t get it. Just because I was there? So what? Doesn’t change shit. If you have a girlfriend, you have a girlfriend, period. 

Oh and why would he say ‘She’s mine’ to one of our male colleagues when he has a freakin’ GIRLFRIEND. WHY? Oh lord, no one has ever driven me this mad. I don’t understand anything, nothing at all. 

I’m not even sure how I feel in general anymore… I don’t know if I’m mad, upset, just disappointed, heartbroken, indifferent… I don’t know. I just feel used, I feel played and screwed over. 

He’s not a nice guy. 
He tried to convince me that he was a good guy, he’s not. He lied. I fell for it. I’m an idiot. 
Mistakes exist for a reason – to teach. I’ve learned from this. 
Don’t ever believe, don’t have too much faith, don’t be naive … Not everyone are honest people like yourself. People use other people, just because you don’t, doesn’t mean someone won’t try to do it to you. That’s the lesson for me. 
I have too much faith in mankind. I don’t even know anymore… 

This is sort of the 2nd time this has happened to me. It makes me feel insufficient. The first time it happened, the guy came running back to me after… We’ll fuck you, I aint your number 2 and I never will settle for that. If I wasn’t worth being your first choice, then you’re not worth another minute of my time. That’s that. 
I’m stubborn. Second chances don’t happen that often, if ever, when it comes to me. Fuck up the trust and faith I have in you and that’s pretty much it. Friends might get another chance, but guys? No. Forget it. 

That was a sidetrack. Anyway … So that’s that. 

Wasn’t the way I wanted or expected this to go down… But it did… I just have to get over it. 
I’m bummed that I was ‘used’. I’m bummed I let him be my 2nd. I’m bummed I let him in my life in any way. Although I know I shouldn’t be, I can’t help it. I will get over it eventually though… But yea. 
I’m still hurt. This didn’t help my self-esteem the least bit… But, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I will be a stronger person once I’ve overcome the hurt, and wiser. 

Sometimes it’s just best to listen to your gut, because its probably right about its feeling. 

Lesson in short: A stitch in time saves nine. 

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