What do you want from me???

A little old but still gold ❤
I love this song, but lately it has appealed to me in a different way, spoken the words on my mind – even though there isn't much lyric to it.
'What do you want from me?' is a question I keep asking myself about Matt. Honestly. Even now, he's still messing with my mind. All I want to know is: what do you want?
Once again, nothing he does or says makes any sense.

The other day he was leaving work, for some reason he came to my spot, where I was standing all alone, and leaned against the table. "Hey" he said, "Hi" I replied. Then he looked at his iPad and was doing something. *Awkward* silence. No eye contact, nothing, he was just standing there. Then he said: " Oh well, I'm off, gonna go outside and enjoy the weather. See you."
… Uhm .. Right, okay? … Why? Like … After everything, why would you want to come over where I am and just stand there? No one else was there… Like what do you want? If I was him I would just stay away, put on a show when other people are around, but otherwise just don't … I mean seriously, what is it with him? Is there something he wants to say, but can't? Is he doing it to be annoying? Is it because he wants me to react? I don't understand it at all!

Moving on.

This weekend there was an office party. I was late. Oops. Anyway… I showed up, everyone else were already there, I think people had had a couple of beers – some more than others. Everyone were like heey!! … Then he saw me "Hey (my name)! Nice to see you!" in a very happy and loud manner, then he came over and hugged me…
Uh … What?
WHAT IS GOING ON?! … I understand NOTHING, not even a bit of what he's doing… I literally don't get it…

I think that he likes me… But then again .. Why does he have a girlfriend then?
I mean what about all the things he said before all of this? It seemed so genuine. But was it? I don't know… I can't tell whether the things he said then were lies or truth. It seemed so genuine to me. I feel like he does have something for me … But then again … Why all of this?
But then again , why did he want me to believe he didn't have a girlfriend … And why does he keep approaching me … Why won't he leave me alone when he sees me?
Im so confused. Some of the things he does signals that he doesn't like me like that, then other things signal that he does… Although everything he has said signalled that he did… None of the things he ever said signalled that he didn't … Only some of his actions did and do…
I wonder what's going on in his mind…
I hate the fact that I even care… What is it about him, that makes it so difficult for me to just let him go … He's an ass. Look what he has done, he's an ass, I shouldn't have anything for him … Honestly my level of respect and liking for him has dropped… But it hasn't become none existent.. Which it should… Annoys me that I'm not rational about this and him …
My mind is messed up.
What do you want from me?

I don't think I'll ever know if I don't ask. But do I dare to?
And how do I ask?
What if I'm putting too much into it? But then again, his behavior isn't normal… Any other person (even myself) would stay away from the other person, unless it was needed in order to not awake any attention … Gossip is awful at our workplace, so show is needed in order to not let the secret out. In that sense I would get it… But when no one's watching and the hug and everything… Not necessary … So why ?

What do you want from me?


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