I stress too much.
I put too much pressure on myself. The expectations I have for myself are high, too high. I want to be superwoman, I strive to be… I try to have everything under control and be perfect.
Lets be real. Perfection doesn’t exist. Nothing is ever perfect. You can’t be superwoman. In the end we’re all human, even I.
I think of how I want to be, what I want to achieve, what I want to do, how organized and spot on I want and need to be… But I’m not executing any of it… Mostly I’m stressing over the thought of it.
My thoughts take a lot of my energy. If not all my energy in fact.
Sometimes I just sit and daydream of a better life, I should rather be making the one that I have better… Yet I can’t seem to get my shit together. I need a getaway … I need to go somewhere where I won’t have any worries. Nothing else than me. A place that will allow me to just do me. Not think of anyone else, no chores, no obligations… Nothing.
I need to clear my head. Right now my head is one congested mess. It’s a burden. A heavy weight on my shoulders. Im constantly tense in the neck and shoulder area, sometimes it even cramps… I need relieve.
I know what I need… Problem is, I don’t know how to get what I need. I need peace, I need relieve, I need to clear my mind, I need to be in harmony with myself… I need all this, I just have no idea how to get it, how to achieve it.
I just want to be at peace. With myself, the world… Everything. I want to be able to relax. I want to be able to enjoy. I want to be happy. I want my life and myself to feel like ‘enough’ … I hate constantly thinking that my life is not good enough, Im not good enough … I never feel good enough…
At the moment Im stressing over my weight. I need to loose a little…
My energy level is at rock bottom, none existent … I have no energy, no power… No ‘pump’. I have no joy … I have no motivation… Right now I’m not living… I’m just existing.
That needs to change. I want to live, not just exist. I want to be.
I want so much. Yet I don’t have the motivation to go get it.
Right now Im just dealing with everything. I don’t feel like I have the energy for more than that…
Hopefully better times are yet to come …