Going back to an old love…

The thought struck me. 

Why?  … I don’t know. We’ll I do, but I don’t… Doesn’t make much sense, right? We’ll thats me at the moment. Not much of what I do makes sense. I’v become relatively more impulsive. Although I wanted to break my old patterns… I’m not sure this new one is a good one. I’ve always been impatient, so impulse isn’t that far from the ‘me’ I know…

Anyway … Loneliness is the answer.
Loneliness will make you do, say and think stupid things.

… Perhaps loneliness and desperation. The desperate need of being love. Yes, I confess, I am addicted to love and affection. I don’t know why…

I feel helpless without it. Thats why I ever considered going back. My decision isn’t even final yet. It’s not a definite no …

I want to be able to not need a man. For some reason that just not me. I want it to be. I feel like its a sign of weakness that I feel like I can’t be without – and I don’t do weakness. I’m strong. I’m independent. So why do I need a man? Why do I need the attention, love and affection of a man? 
I can’t say … I hate it. Really. 

I wish I could say fuck it and mean it, but I can’t. Im hooked. 
I love having a man in my life. For some reason having girl-friends isn’t enough. I need a man. 


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