The thought struck me.
Why? … I don’t know. We’ll I do, but I don’t… Doesn’t make much sense, right? We’ll thats me at the moment. Not much of what I do makes sense. I’v become relatively more impulsive. Although I wanted to break my old patterns… I’m not sure this new one is a good one. I’ve always been impatient, so impulse isn’t that far from the ‘me’ I know…
Anyway … Loneliness is the answer.
Loneliness will make you do, say and think stupid things.
… Perhaps loneliness and desperation. The desperate need of being love. Yes, I confess, I am addicted to love and affection. I don’t know why…
I feel helpless without it. Thats why I ever considered going back. My decision isn’t even final yet. It’s not a definite no …
I want to be able to not need a man. For some reason that just not me. I want it to be. I feel like its a sign of weakness that I feel like I can’t be without – and I don’t do weakness. I’m strong. I’m independent. So why do I need a man? Why do I need the attention, love and affection of a man?
I can’t say … I hate it. Really.
I wish I could say fuck it and mean it, but I can’t. Im hooked.
I love having a man in my life. For some reason having girl-friends isn’t enough. I need a man.