I felt like holiday crushes/flings were really not real … Something you only see in movies… Or something you only hear about in a sexual context…
I hate clichés. I hate feelings. Well no, I don’t hate feelings, I just dislike feeling ‘weird’. Sometimes I lack words to explain my feelings. Perhaps that’s what I hate?
I’m not sure if I’m ‘holiday high’ or if I’m feeling completely normal… All I know is, that I met a guy.
From the first time he caught my eye I thought he looked like a nice guy. He looked sweet and friendly.
Many polite smiles were exchanged.
I wondered if he would ever talk to me. I wanted him to.
I’m traveling with my family and being the only person of the age group that I’m in … Well it can get a little boring and lonely for me…
The day before he was leaving, he asked me if I wanted to join him for his last night. They were going to go to a club party. I said sure why not.
He said the departure time from the hotel was 11PM.
I was sitting in the lobby, I had ordered a drink. I don’t really drink, but I thought if I’m going out, and especially with people that I don’t know, then I have to be a little tipsy… Otherwise I’ll be too shy.
Anyway … At 11 he came to me and said he had some ‘bad news’. The club plan had been cancelled. I never really understood why, something with the promoters and arrangers that had apparently gone wrong.
Point being, we weren’t going out.
Instead we sat in the lobby and talked. We went for a little walk, sat outside and talked. We went inside and ordered some drinks, sat inside and talked some more. The hotel club then opened and we went down to check it out.
It was pretty bad… The music was relatively good. He was a former dancer so he was getting his moves on. He was a little drunk and in the mood for dancing – so he did. It was entertaining to watch, I was amazed. I liked it. Love it when a guy can dance, I find it being so sexy. Love it.
Afterwards we went outside, and went on a walk. We sat down at a café and had something to eat and then some tea.
We then went for a walk along the beach, found a sunbed and sat there watching the waves.
The temperature was near perfect, the waves, the sound of the waves… The city lights and the stars shinning above us. I won’t lie, it wasn’t a perfect star-sky, but it wasn’t bad…
We made out.
We kissed some more .
We kissed a lot.
At 6AM I went to bed.
We had been together for 6-7 hours…
I didn’t really want the night to end, neither did he.
It was weird to think that we were having such a great time, yet he was leaving tomorrow.
I just thought oh well, that’s that.
Morning came, I had 3 hours of sleep, went down for breakfast, then went up again after and had a nap.
I woke up at 11.40AM and thought oh no, he will be checking out in 20 mins. Or now?
I really wanted to see him again before he left. Why though?
Anyway … We hadn’t exchanged information of a kind yet…
I went down … I didn’t see him at first, went outside to see if my sisters were in the pool… Couldn’t spot them. Went inside again to the lobby, and he was sitting there.
All night he had talked about how amazing I was, how gorgeous I was and how ‘perfect’ I was…
Wow … Maybe a little too much. But still… He was being so … Straightforward about his thoughts.
We exchanged facebook. We went to lunch, to the beach and at 4PM he had to leave.
He kissed me goodbye.
Then held me tight.
Told me to never change.
Then kissed my forehead.
Kissed my lips again like he didn’t want it to be the last time.
Gave me a hug, and left.
… And that was that.
Now I’m left here wondering, do I like him?
Is it just a holiday fever or is there more to it?
… At home I don’t really have anyone. I have one guy, who doesn’t really show me that he cares. But then he sort of does… But then again I can’t tell… I’m not sure I really give a fuck about him anymore.
If he doesn’t show me more than he has so far, then I think I’ll be done.
There are so many guys to choose from, I don’t have to hang in there for that one guy … Just because I feel like I sort of like him, but then again I question whether I actually do …
I don’t know. Me and my feelings aren’t good friends.
I never really can tell how I feel…
Why don’t I fall in love just like normal people. It’s such a struggle for me.
But I can’t lie though. I felt something intense with the ‘holiday fling’. It was so hot. I really wanted him. But … I don’t do that kind of thing…
I don’t trust guys. I don’t ever want to be ‘used’. I feel that no matter whether I wanted to or not, if the guy’s intention is to sleep with me, then I’m letting myself get used if I ‘let him get his way’ …
Not only that, I don’t want to have sex with one person just one time… I don’t do one night stands. It’s not my thing.
This guy though, he really likes me. I think.
I’m not sure how I feel just yet though…
Time will tell.