Time…

Time doesn’t wait.
Time passes no matter what.
And we can’t change it. We can’t go back.
We can’t freeze it either…

For every year that passes I am getting older and older. Yes of course I am. But lately that has scared me…

All the years up to the age of 18 seem to take an eternity. It’s like time passes by so slow, too slow. We forget to enjoy those years because all we want is to grow up fast. Reach 18 and be adults – by law, at least.

But what happenes after 18 is that the years seem to fly by. Sometimes not even knowing where time has gone. You wake up one day and it feels like it was only a year or two ago that you turned 18 or even 20… But it’s not…

I keep thinking… I’ve only had 1 boyfriend. I am at an age where I feel like my next partner will be my life partner. Not that I can foresee the future and that everything will work out, no. But as in the vision for me and my next partner is that we’re going to have kids and be together forever. Not that all relationships shouldn’t be based on that intention – but I got my first boyfriend at the age of 17, so back then marriage was kinda far from my thoughts. Not as real as they are now…

I feel like the clock is kind of ticking – according to my own plan. I feel like you need to be with someone for some years before you get married etc.
The clock is ticking in terms of children. My vision is to have my first child before the age of 30. So I don’t really have many years to play with, in terms of relationships… That’s just what I think.

It’s not like I have this vision and I’m unwilling to move away from it. But it’s a goal, I guess… And of course I will strive to reach that goal, but if it doesn’t go like that, then it doesn’t go like that.
I change my plans accordingly. I don’t fixate. It’s just a goal, an idea, that I have.

To move away from my general mindset into my life…

I was seeing that guy, the ‘long’ distance guy, Olly. Well I decided to break it off. I wasn’t really feeling it so much after the last visit.
I didn’t really have ‘love-like’ feelings. I mean I cared about him and all that. But I didn’t feel in love or excited.
I guess it was lust and not love. And there’s only so far that lust can take you.
Which for me was a week of sex and then it wore off.

So I’ll be honest, it was just the sex. For me. And an experience too. But nothing else.
I might’ve thought I was in love, but I just think I was lusting really. Sometimes we seek short term security and ‘love’, or what feels like love. Someone to cuddle, someone to talk to… But really none of it is real. And it doesn’t take long before it wears off and you wake up…

So now I am seeing someone else.
This one is way different.

It’s someone I used to go to school with back in the day.
We never talked or anything.
I had a boyfriend, so I wasn’t really interested in talking either.
At the time he was seeing one of my friends (whome I am not friends with anymore) for a short while, or fooling around, I don’t really know… Anyway, this was really the only reason why I even know of him.

He messaged me and we started talking.
Apparently he had always had an eye for me, but I was already taken.

Anyway after messaging for some days, he couldn’t wait. He wanted to see me and asked me out.
So we went out.
I was really worried about it being awkward. I hadn’t been on a date like that for ages. Literally.
The last ‘date’ I went on was on my holiday. Which doesn’t really count in the same way…
Otherwise I haven’t been on a date since my ex-boyfriend really.
I don’t count hanging out at someones house as a date…

So, we went on a date. And I was kinda nervous about how conversation would be. I was scared it would be awkward or something like that. Although our text-conversations were fine – but these days you don’t know what to expect IRL compared to behind the screen…

But to my surprise we had a really lovely time. We were at the cafe for 5 hours. Just talking.
We had to leave because the place was closing – and I had to get up early the next day.
It was really lovely.

When I came home, I was really happy.
It had been a good date.

We kept on messaging.

And 4 days after we met again.
This time a different scene.
At a club.
He doesn’t usually go out, but there was a concert event at the club and he and his business partner (friend) had special invite tickets with a +1. His friend really wanted to go and was bringing his girlfriend, so he asked me if I wanted to join him… And so I did.

Not long passed before we were ready to go. We only stayed around 2-3 hrs.
Clearly this wasn’t our scene. There were so many people and we didn’t really care about the concert. We just wanted to spend time together…

So I guess you could call that date no. 2.

We’re going for a 3rd date this coming week. We’re going out for dinner.
Im really excited.
Let’s see what happens :)!

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