No. 5

So … I never got to tell.

I’ve reached number five. Yes. Luke, he’s number 5.

Honestly though I don’t feel like 2 of the guys I had sex with was really sex… If that makes sense. Not that it matters anyway.

But yea… Number five. Hopefully last one too. I hope this could be real. But who knows… Time does I guess. Just have to wait and see how this all unfolds.

But no. 5 isn’t bad, after all it is an all time classic – Chanel no. 5.

Cheesy… Maybe, but thinking ‘number five’ to myself, made me weirdly enough think about Chanel no. 5, random – yes.

So far so good though. I think we could be an item. I think we kind of already are. Not 100% officially yet, but between one another we are.

I don’t really want to talk to anyone, nor do I want them to talk to me … Guys that have interest in me that is.

My eyes are locked, with my heart. For the first time in a very long time I think… Because even though I was in a relationship a year ago, I wasn’t fully committed… Only the first 1.5 years, after that I was just in it because I didn’t know of anything else.
Habit. Comfort. Safety.

Everyone I was seeing etc. so far wasn’t because I was ready … But because I was lonely – which is so bad.
You should never date because you’re lonely – do it when you’re ready.

I feel ready. I think I’m ready. I can’t say that I know, as I feel sometimes emotions change… But one thing I do know, is that this feels different. Different to everyone else. Anything else. I’m not sure why.

I seem to be getting a lot off track lately. I think I’m struck …
Anyway …
It hurt. It still does. But it’ll get better. Just have to get used to him.

But … About the whole getting off track thing… I feel like I’m more positive lately too.
Like … Those stupid couples that are in love.
You laugh at them and want to puke, until you are ‘them’.

I think I am a part of it now.

I am happy.
Yes. Maybe even in love without knowing? People say you know. But how can you know if you don’t know how it feels. Not all people think or react the same…
I notice the small things about myself, like as mentioned I feel more positive, and happy… Which makes me think I might be in love. Also I just want to tell everyone how great he is…

And I think about him all day.

I think I might be in love.
We’ll see.


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