A month ago I wrote a post about cold feet… Wondering if I was born with cold feet.
Honestly… I think I was. I’m not sure what it is. For some reason… I always go over things in my head. Wondering if everything is right. If I’ve made the right choice. Is this the right guy…
I keep thinking… Too many thoughts.
“Are we right for each other?”
“Can I live like this?”
“Can I live with him?”
“Could we make it?”
“Is he the one I will marry? Have kids with?”
I never seem to be able to set my mind straight. Im always thinking. Wondering.
Thinking about running before its too late. I want to be ahead. I want to know… I don’t know. I want to run before it becomes ‘too late’ before too many emotions are involved…
I don’t know why. But guys have to give me a reason to stay, because I will always – by instinct, find a reason to run. Always.
I have no idea where it comes from. I always seem to think of running…
I’m scared no one was ever made for me.
Yes, Scared. That’s what I am.
I am scared… Doubtful.
I think. Too. Much.
And I can’t stop or help it. I just overthink all the time.
I don’t know. I guess maybe sometimes my standard is too high – my expectations… My imagination and expectation of ‘the perfect’ guy…
I think the issue is, I don’t even know what the hell I want myself.
I need friends. Maybe thats it. Maybe I just need friends that I can entertain myself with. So that my partner doesn’t become my everything… Although … I think that’s wrong too… Because your partner has to be your everything? Right? I mean how can you live with someone the rest of your life, unless they’re your everything. Not in an unhealthy sense, but more like… I don’t know.
Am I way off? Or really wrong?
I don’t know…
But… Damn you! Cold feet!