Am I too sensitive?

I don’t know… Sometimes I wonder if my bar is set too high… Or if I’m just too sensitive…

I want to be with someone who feels like myself. I want to be with someone who wants to spend as much time with me as I want with them…

It makes me sad honestly…

Luke is thinking about moving towards the end of the year… Maybe around summer even… So about that time we almost hit ‘1 year’ … We will have been together for a year around then…

Now… He wants to move, but the consequence is that the rent will be really high… Which mean – he can’t afford it on his own…
Now he’s telling me, that he and his good friend (and ‘business partner’) are thinking of moving together…

Am I too sensitive? I kind of think thats bull… Like why would you want to move in with your friend… Why not me?

Its really bad to compare… But somehow I was emotionally more satisfied in my old relationship – and thats why I can’t stop comparing… Whilst this one is more physically satisfying … It’s not really emotionally satisfying. I don’t feel like I’m getting enough love. Isn’t that weird? He talks so much about how wonderful and beautiful I am… About this and that. And that he loves me and bla… But why is it that I hear it – and believe it… But then after a while… I don’t see it or feel it…

Honestly … Maybe Im off… But I don’t think its bad to move in together after a year…

I get that … So far I’m still new in his life. The friends he has have been there for years… But the thing is, unless he invests more… Well then I won’t stick around for long… Lets be real.

I feel like I’m taken for granted. I really do. It’s not a nice feeling to be quite frank.

I’m really on the verge of giving up and walking away… Im on the verge of saying fuck everything.
Travel to the other side of the world, where I know someone… And see if there is anything there… And if there is… Then finish my studies completely and move there. Far, far away …

The fact that my thoughts have even wondered off to that kind of scares me.

One minute I’m telling myself I’m an idiot the next I’m thinking he’s the idiot. I can’t seem to make up my mind…

Its frustrating.

You’re supposed to be together a lot in the beginnings…

I don’t know if I’ll ever find love, since I feel like I’m always being used as a trophy …
So its hard for me to distinguish between that and someone who actually loves me…

The saddest thing is that the guy I’m dating – he doesn’t put me on top of his list, doesn’t even have to be number one… But my best friend does. And until he gets married, I think I always will. I know I come after his family and religious duties. But you cannot really come before that either, as a friend at least. I know if I was dating him, I’d be at least second, after family… If not even first, together with family…

I think my expectations of life, the world and people is killing me. I think it will ruin me… be the end of me.

I really want to lower my expectations – but its hard. Its hard to lower your expectations, especially when the bar set for them are based on what you do for others yourself. When its based on reflections of yourself.

Its hard to lower expectations of others that are set by no other bar than the reflections of yourself.

Im disappointed.
I think the only thing I ever want in life is to feel important to someone.
Like I’m a vital part of their life.

I once had this person. But the problem was that there was nothing else to it than that…
I don’t crave being loved only – I wan’t to love back equally…
So in reality… I crave the love I give… And thats my reality…
So perhaps my expectations and craving make me ‘too’ sensitive…

I don’t know? Am I being rational? or totally irrational and needy?

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