The taboo revolving sex

It’s something I’ve always wondering. Something I’ve always thought about…

I have to be honest and say my opinion has changed a lot over the last many years.

I lost my virginity when I was 17. To be exact, I was 17 turning 18 in a few months – so almost 18.

I remember back then, sex was this big thing. This huge, sinful, dirty and undoable thing. Sex is still and will always be undoable.

But I just remember thinking, oh how important it would be for me to marry this person, and that we should be together forever. Because what an accomplishment it would be to only have been with one person, right?
Back then I thought that was important.

I even remember how I felt after having sex. I felt used. I felt dirty. I felt like I was no longer special. I felt like now, everyone knew. I felt really bad. I think I somehow had a bit of a conflict with myself and my identity as well.
It took me quite a while before those thoughts went away. But I remember the first week or two, perhaps it was more, I felt like this. I felt absolutely horrible about myself.

But for what reason?
Okay, perhaps, without lying. I might’ve not been quite ready just yet.
But then again, if it wasn’t then, would it have been ever? Because are you ever truly really ready? Well some people are at one point, but don’t get me wrong.

Anyway, now it’s not that I want to say its not beautiful to only have had sex with the person you marry. Not at all.
Because there are of course pros to it, as well as cons.
The pros are the fact that, lets say it goes both ways with the virginity, its an amazing experience you’ll have together. And its one of those things in life that you can NEVER experience with anyone else – and that’s beautiful. It’s a very intimate and exposed moment.
Then in terms of jealousy. Sometimes its difficult to think about the fact that the person you like so much and are lying with now, has done this with others. It kind of makes it feel less special – but that’s because you’re overthinking.
But I wont lie, this is a thought that I’ve had several times with several people. You always wonder, right? How am I? How was the last one? Who was the best? Etc.
But sometimes this one is a bit of a double standard thought, because what about yourself? You think about the people the other person has been with, but if you weren’t a virgin before this person, then you really have nothing to say. In general you have nothing to say, because the past is the past.
But this is one of the cons of having more than one sexual partner in your life, so therefore it’s a pro to wait until marriage.

Now there are always pros and cons. This is also why I don’t believe than one choice is better than the other.

The cons of only having one sexual partner throughout your life is curiosity. Whilst many wont admit to it, I will.
After some years with my first boyfriend, I wondered – What else is out there?
How is it to have sex with someone else?
Is it all like this?
What about someone with a larger penis? Maybe that would feel better / more exiting.
Maybe someone experienced etc etc.

You don’t know much about sex if you’ve only been with one person – of course you can explore and learn together – but still.

Also, you might always wonder if it’s the same no matter who it is, or if there’s better sex out there.

And to be honest, usually there is – and sometimes there isn’t.

I call this one major con of no sex before marriage. Because it might also encourage adultery.

I don’t believe sex is sinful.
I don’t believe sex is always bad.

It’s about making a decision that you wont regret. So just like so many other things, you have to make up your mind.
Do it and deal with it, take whatever outcome there is.
Or don’t, and don’t deal with any possible hurt that might follow.

Stand by your decision no matter what. In the end its your body. Don’t let anyone tell you what to do or what is best, because honestly there’s pros and cons to both choices.
And there’s always pros and cons to everything, so you just have to do what feels right to YOU, not anyone else. Don’t make decisions based on what other people do or say, trust your own gut and feelings.
You have a mind of your own, don’t let society think for you, think for yourself.

So yea, basically I went from thinking that sex was such a horrible and filthy thing and always worrying about my number of sexual partners… To now thinking that it doesn’t matter. As long as I feel fine with it, as long as I did it because I wanted to, then I have nothing else to worry about.

Its my life, my body, I can do as I please.
Do I think sex without feelings is pleasurable? No, not at all.
Do I make wrong decisions sometimes? Yes.
Sometimes I also just challenge myself to be honest. I take some decisions without much thought, just to see how it is, deal with it, and learn from it.
It makes me a wiser person, and better equipped for the future etc.

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