The Rabbit Lover

Don’t get attached.
Don’t let emotions get away with you.
Don’t let old patterns influence you.
Yes, because Dear, there are no real emotions here. The only thing I feel is fear. And all these emotions of needing someone to cling on to.
No honey, no.

So, Eric.
He says he can feel that he’s missed me, and that its not good. I agree. That’s not good. Because when I said I was afraid it would end bad, I meant I was afraid for his heart – not mine. Although I let him believe it was the other way around, since he thinks he’s got himself all sorted, so be it.
Anyway. Do I ever miss him? Feel all lovey dovey?
Truth is, no. No I don’t. I honestly don’t feel anything. He’s just another person I can project things onto, another person to keep me busy and disconnected.
That’s it.
That’s the truth. That’s as real and honest as it gets.
I couldn’t be more honest with myself right now.
I think I am feeling things, but I’m not. With him I guess it’s a competition really, nothing else.
I’m an ass for that I guess. Because if I wanted to be decent, for me and him, I would end it and break it off. But that’s not the case… So I’ll wait until he does it, or I get tired I guess.
What I feel are not genuine feelings, its just about possession and distraction and being in charge really. I want to be in charge of the situation, the fact that neither one of is committed is what makes it exciting. But after that, who cares? I don’t.

Do I truly enjoy his company, not really. He’s just there, but I don’t really feel excited about it.
And the sex? Haha. Gee. It’s bad. We’ve had sex like twice, I’ve been on my period after the second time, thank god. Guys that fuck like rabbits – they need to get a grip. That’s not my thing. Neither is doggy, I don’t get that much stimulation.
Apart from that, I thought his penis was bigger, when I felt it before we ever had sex, I thought it was big. But maybe I just fooled myself.
He doesn’t feel big, not bigger than my ex, Luke, at least.

Honestly, I just need to find a guy that delivers good sex.
Yes I said it. I need a decent fuck-buddy. Hell, we all got needs – so do I.
I feel like one needs to interview guys before having sex, to assess whether or not they’re worth a shot. Jesus.
Okay, well at least I can cross off having had sex with someone ‘a lot’ younger than me. 3 years isn’t THAT little. Man, I cant get over that rabbit hump thing, Jesus Christ, is he having a wank or whats going on… I can’t help but laugh when I think about it.
Who has sex like that, does it even qualify as sex? Really? Gosh.

Well. I guess I’m more of a sensual lover.
I don’t have a specific liking as such.
I like missionary, sometimes semi-fast… Sometimes slow and hard.
I like the cowgirl and I like ‘girl on top’.
I pretty much just like it, as long as I feel something and some stimulation to the clitoris – I don’t think that’s abnormal…

Anyway, so that’s that.
Lets see what happens.

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