“I got it all under control” she said, with a smile on her face.
But deep down she was worried. Sure why not make it all seem glamorous? Right?
Truth be told, there was nothing glamorous about the ‘player life’.
No. She wasn’t that type of person. She didn’t like hurting people.
She did enjoy the attention, she did enjoy the dates, but she didn’t put any feelings into it. It didn’t have any meaning. But it did to them.
She didn’t give any of them a real chance. Why? Because she wasn’t truly interested.
Because, there was someone that was faster than all of them. That one person that caught her attention before the rest, Eric.
So in the end, when none of them could get her attention like he did, why bother giving them a chance – right?
“I got it all under control” she thought.
But she didn’t. No one can control feelings, most certainly not when its not your own.
What a complicated life she thought.
She didn’t complain about being beautiful or wanted – heck, its not bad to be goodlooking… But it sure as hell isn’t easy either… Especially when you’re not attention seeking.
No… I was never one to seek attention, I was the one who preferred to blend in, to be invisible… I didn’t want to be seen. I used to be scared.
I’m not scared anymore. I love myself more now than ever, I still have some way to go… But I definitely am not looking to hide anymore, like I used to, I am proud of who I am, I don’t need to hide. I’m no longer that scared little girl whose afraid. No. I’m not here to be another one, another person in the crowd, I want to be extraordinary. Do things. Achieve things. I want to be someone. I’m not here to be silent anymore. I am here to be heard. I don’t care if people are puzzled by my honesty or weird humour, its me. Who I am, and I’m not afraid of myself anymore. We’re all a little weird, I’m just becoming more accepting and open about it. Sure I’m not as extrovert as one could be, but I will be. One step at a time, Rome wasn’t build in a day – as you say.
Apart from that. Eric.
Wow I don’t even know what to say. I still don’t know what our relationship is… All I know is that I’m the only one he’s seeing and according to him also the only one he’s talking to…
So I decided I’d do the same, because what the heck, I wasn’t interested in any of those other guys anyway – so why waste their time.
So… I know he’s caught some feelings… But I can’t figure myself out.
I can’t figure out if I’m just liking the feels of it right now, or if I feel more than that…
I think he’s really sweet and all that… But I’m not sure I’m in love. Perhaps its too early to tell anyway…
I once read that ‘true soulmates’ dont fall in love. Because that feeling of falling in love/being in love is not the real deal…
Hell, with Luke I fell in love. And none of it was real, so I think it might be true…
Anyway, as I always say – and probably always will: Time will tell.