Dont let the alcohol talk.

So yesterday I had one drink too many, and I was feeling bold as hell.
Now I was nowhere near drunk, not even that tipsy. Another drink and I would’ve been tipsy.
But, it’s like alcohol makes you so bold and brave and honest?

Its awful. And yet?
I was extremely close to telling Eric that we should just stop this thing/game right now.
I think he’s falling in love, because everytime we’re together, he tells me that he thinks he’s missed me, and that he prefers my company to other females…
I don’t really know how I feel about that. But I still have an urge to soon let it out, that we should stop.

But do I want it to stop? No… I don’t think so.
But would it be the right thing? Yes, probably.
We’re in two very different places in our lives, it won’t work no matter what.
“I wish I had met you in 3-4 years time”…
But… You didn’t. You met me now. There must be a reason for everything.
And, well mate, I’m 3 years older than you, and hopefully in 3-4 years I’ll already be in a relationship thats not all that new and fresh – because I would love to have kids or at least be pregnant in about 5 years time…
So…

I know this is a bad idea, I know that the alcohol was trying to make me do the right thing.
Instead we had sex. This time it wasn’t as bad as the others.
We honestly don’t even really know one another…
Do we need to?

I don’t know where this is going, or if I want it to go where it is.
I definitely know, he’s triggering some very bad things in me. My old patterns, the needy ones, the ones that can’t stand to be alone.
Or perhaps I’m confusing that with the excitement of just having someone to cuddle with?

I know it’s not right. The age thing fucks everything up a lot, but he’s such a nice person.
He’s very sweet. I’m sure he’ll make someone very happy one day, I just don’t think It’ll be me… We’re at two very different places, much of which has to do with age.

I don’t know.
I’m confused…

To top it off, my friend is trying to hook me up with a man twice my age. Jesus, I know I’m being quite YOLO, but I think this might be topping off the YOLO mountain.
Lord, I don’t even think he looks attractive in that one photo I’ve seen… Gosh.

Let the wind take me.

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