Dangerous game… / Love yourself.

Feelings are dangerous.

I’m playing a dangerous game. I am aware.

I think Eric might be catching some emotions that he shouldn’t.

I’ve thought about it.
I do like him, he’s kind and nice. I feel comfortable with him. I enjoy his company.
But I’m not in love, not yet at least.
I don’t know, can you fall in love with time? Hmm… I guess it was what happened with my first BF, but I think I’ve grown from that?

Either way, I’m aware the game I’m playing is dangerous.
But… I don’t care.

I went on that date friday with that guy, Jake.
It wasn’t bad, but I met with Eric after, haha. Jesus.

So Eric slept with someone else, when he first told me I was a little upset – but then during the day I realized, I wasn’t bothered. Like it was more a territorial thing than anything else. So emotionally, I didn’t really care.
I think he cared more than me. I think generally he cares more than me.
I’ve realized I don’t care. In general. My emotions and I aren’t in touch. At least not the emotions that I used to be so controlled by in the past. Such as the need of having someone, a guy etc.
Now I don’t care.

Jake is a sweet guy.
I don’t really think I’m interested in him in that sense, but I’m still gonna go out with him again.
Whatever. I don’t really have anything to lose.

“You’re beautiful”.
I hear it all the time. Guys. Girls. Whoever.
Apparently they all see something that I myself don’t. Or didn’t.
I’m scared to love myself, because I’m scared I’ll look or sound arrogant etc.
Which I find being negative…
But If I’ll be honest – I’m a pretty amazing person.

I’m beautiful inside and out.
I’m not perfect, but I’m good enough and I’m amazing.
I have so much to offer, I have the whole package.
I’m intelligent, smart, nice, thoughtful, loving, sympathetic and so much more.
I’m a beautiful person.

And as much as this is a note to myself, it’s also a note to all of you out there:
whenever you feel like you’re not good enough, there’s something that could be changed about you -inside or out, just take a look at yourself. Look in the mirror. Look at yourself.
You are beautiful. We’re all beautiful in each our own way.
If you have amazing lashes (lips, cheekbones, brows, skin, legs or whatever), embrace that, love it, then learn to love the rest.
Because you are beautiful. You’re good enough. Love yourself. If you dont – who will?
How should someone else love you, when you dont love yourself?
And how can you love someone else, if the most important person, yourself, isn’t loved by you?
Yea, not possible.
You’re beautiful. You’re amazing. You might forget it for a minute whilst you admire someone else for their beauty, but you’re beautiful too – in your own unique way. ❤

Much love. Happy monday 🙂


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