Blinded by her own mind

She would look and stare, compare and admire, the many girls she came across on social media.

Celebrities, instagram, facebook, girls that were praised for their beauty, for their bodies.

She’d look and stare, wonder how she too could be beautiful like them.
She’d think, if only my skin was more perfect.
If only I had bigger lips.
if only I had more defined cheekbones.
If only my brows were perfect.
If only I had bigger boobs.
If only I had a bigger butt.
If only I was taller.
If only…

She’d sit and compare. She’d sit and admire. She’d sit and wish she was more ‘perfect’. She felt like less.
She wished she was as beautiful as all these girls.
She wished she could look in the mirror and truly feel like everything about her was good enough.

Only she never realized… This was how people looked at her.
Once people got to approach her, they all told her how beautiful she was – if they had the confidence to do so, males or females.
She didn’t believe. She didn’t see. She was blinded.

She wondered if people just had a different taste than her, if they were just being nice, or if she just couldn’t see what they saw…

She wasn’t photogenic. Although she never felt perfect or as beautiful as people would say, she felt like the camera made her look worse than how she saw herself.
People agreed, her beauty couldn’t be captured. It had to be seen with live eyes. It couldn’t be captured. It had to be felt. Her beauty was real.
The eyes don’t lie, but sometimes the camera does – most of the time, the camera lies.
It either beautifies or “uglifies”, it doesn’t capture reality.
Pictures are rarely true or real.
An important thing to keep in mind.

Although she knew this, she still couldn’t help but feel how she felt.

She never felt good enough.
Her body wasn’t perfect enough.
Her hair wasn’t perfect enough.
Her face wasn’t perfect enough.

Yet anyone she came across admired her beauty.
Told her how beautiful she was. How perfect her skin was.
How beautiful her body was.

Those who got to know her, learned how beautiful she was on the inside too.
Those who knew her, truly knew her, called her perfect.
Smart, beautiful and sweetest person.

She never saw. She never understood.
Blinded by her own thoughts and perception of beauty – which was anything but herself.

She never realized how beautiful she was – in every single way possible.

She was blinded by her own mind.
Whilst others around her saw her through clear eyes.
Felt her heart. Felt her person.
Came to love her, because she was so incredibly likeable.

She was amazing.
She was beautiful.
She was close to perfect.

But she never knew.
She never saw.
So it never mattered.
Because this beautiful creature could never be truly freed for the world to see her, she was kept imprisoned by herself.
She robbed the world of something beautiful, without realizing it.

Slowly she killed herself, because in the end she saw nothing but flaws… And forgot to appreciate all the good features. All the good things.
She failed to appreciate herself, instead she looked for beauty elsewhere – when all along it was right there, in front of her.

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