“I know myself” she said

I wont fall in love she said. I don’t fall in love that easily.

I’m not in love she said.
I don’t have those kinds of feelings.

I just casually enjoy his company she said.

Not realizing, his presence had become an addiction.
Like she promised herself she wouldn’t repeat.
Once again, like any other addict, she fell into the trap.

The difference?
She was aware, she was fighting – she didn’t let in to old habits.
She was determined to change.
She was determined to be independent.

When she thought about it, really thought about it, she wasn’t ready to commit.
She still wanted and needed her freedom. All this attention, if not now – then when? She didn’t have many more years to waste. It was almost a ‘now or never’ kind of deal.

She was confused.
She didn’t know what the difference between need and being in love was.
So how could she truly tell if she ever fell in love?

Did she like him? Sure.
Did she feel territorial… Indeed.
She didn’t want to share. Why? Because she always won, she always got her way.
She was that girl that was all that, so being beat by someone seemingly less – was not in her intention.
Maybe that was what it was all truly about.
She didn’t feel an exceptional connection with him, not physically, not mentally.
The only thing that had her attention, was the fact that other females had their eyes on him.
That’s where all the excitement was.

But wasn’t this for the better?
Or was she trying to convince herself that this was the truth?
She didn’t even know herself.

Confused. Out of touch.
She didn’t really know herself that well after all…


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