Clear answers.

Oh how she wish that there were clear answers.

Not that she wanted clear answers from anyone, at least not anyone but herself.

She wish she could give herself the answers she sought.
But sometimes clear answers are hard to find, and difficult to give.

So what was she desperate to find an answers or two to?

Love.

What is real love?
When do you know that it’s the right thing?

Some people say you just know when you see the person… Others say that you find out with time. Can you live without this person or not?

She was confused.

Was she happy with him. Yes.
He made her happy. He was a good match.
Was things moving a little fast. Indeed.
She wish it hadn’t, but it had, so now there wasn’t much to do about it.
You can’t change what has already happened.

But she saw her life as being good single, and alone.
At the same time she saw her life being good with him too.

Now… Problem with her was, she had envisioned this single life, being free. Having no strings attached, no one to hold her back. The freedom to travel anywhere, anytime, do anything. Not being held accountable for perhaps meeting a charming guy abroad and having a hot fling…
That was the fantasy. The life she envisioned she would live as a single woman. As an educated, mysterious, attractive woman.
She knew she could get anything and anyone.
So the glamorous life, the sex and the city themed kind of life, wouldn’t be all that difficult to achieve.
It seemed very attractive.

At the same time…
She dreamt of the happy family life.
Of course traveling was always her dream.
So she dreamt of seeing the world before having children…
But she dreamt of having a lovely husband, and having kids, and living that happily ever after kind of life.

Indeed. She couldn’t wait for the day to get pregnant and have a little precious one. Someone she would love unconditionally for ever.

But… She wasn’t ready for it yet – although she couldn’t wait for it to happen…

 

So… What did she want?
She didn’t even know herself.

Sure she had found a great guy, Eric, but still… Nothing seemed certain in her mind…
She didn’t want to leave him – but couldn’t figure out what seemed more appealing to her…
Being alone? Doing whatever her heart desired? Finding herself?
She looked at it as a spiritual journey.
She believed that kind wasn’t quite possible with a significant other, but who knows…
She was torn, but riding the wave destiny had handed to her.
She was just going to see where it took her, and let things be…
Because in the end there’s a reason for everything, and also…
Time will tell the way 😉

 

 

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