to and fro.

I guess its funny how I find myself being so ambitious and yet so unenthusiastic.

I feel like I am so extraordinary that I can do extraordinary things, I feel like I am not an average person. I feel like I will succeed at heights that are quite unimaginable by many of my friends.

At the same time I feel stupid. I feel like I’m inexperienced. I feel like I have NO idea of how to execute the type of job I imagine myself occupying…

And then… Then I think, well what are my goals and dreams just exactly again?

I’m so confused. I’m so disorganized. So out of touch.

Like honestly, I’ve been meaning to tidy and sort my bedroom and clothes up for weeks… And I haven’t. And every time I look at it, or go to bed, it annoys me.

It annoys me – yet I can’t get my act together to do something about it.

I blame it on the fact that there isn’t enough room.
That this home is temporary.
That I don’t feel the room and therefore I don’t feel like caring for it.

Lets be honest, these reasons are all stupid. Because when something bothers you, you should really just get it over and done with…
However the above mentioned complaints are all true, however no excuse for not getting my act together.

… I just don’t feel like I have peace.
I feel like I don’t have a home and that feeling has haunted me forever.
I just want a place, where I think “I like this”.
Somewhere where the location is nice, the home is nice… Where I then decorate it, I design the interior and so on. I give it a touch of me and a touch of home – and a touch of permanency… “The perfect home”, it doesn’t even have to be big. It just has to be somewhere where I feel free and I feel at home. A place that makes me want to keep it tidy… A place where I feel like it can be held tidy because there is in fact room for everything…

I just wish I had an unlimited amount of money.
I wish.

Dear God, can I please win the lottery?


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