It’s not easy to change.

It’s not easy to change, it’s not easy to alter your mind and way of thinking.

It’s god damn difficult. It’s so difficult to break your patterns.
But you have to, if you want change in your life, you have to.

It’s okay to fall as long as you rise. Remember that.

Whenever you get hurt, angry and so on, just remember, you let yourself feel like this. So go back and understand where the ‘mistake’ lies.

Did you do something that was not in line with what you truly wanted to do in your heart? And as a result of that, did something shitty happen?
Well shit, yes that sucks, but look at it like this: at least you now know that this was the reason behind why you feel like this, and therefore you will make sure not to repeat this mistake… So isn’t it more of a win than a lose, really?

You got mad because someone did not take you into consideration when making their plans, but… You wouldn’t have been mad if you had just taken your own needs into consideration first. So in the end, you can’t get mad at anyone else than yourself – right?

Just remember, most of the time, its your own fault – not everyone else’s.
That being said, it doesn’t mean that assholes don’t exist. But just make sure you know yourself, your boundaries and energies well enough to push those assholes away, so they don’t come near you.

Honey, yes, that was easier said than done – but let that be your goal, what you work towards.

Be that person that doesn’t attract anything but good people, be that person that takes control of their own life. Be that amazing person, that pulls themselves up when they fall and realizes why they fell in the first place…

It’s a long road to travel to get there, but Sweety it will be worth it.
Make that a goal, to have all the love and happiness within yourself to make yourself happy, to be your own hero.
In the end you only have yourself, so make sure you only need yourself. Otherwise you will walk around with a hole your whole life.

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the universe played a role in You&I.

The universe has a funny way of bringing people together.
I firmly believe that nothing in life is a coincidence.

Meeting you, perhaps the meaning of that was for me to help you on your way.
Perhaps it was for you to understand.
Perhaps it was for us to have each other for support.

I can’t tell what made me make the decisions I made.
I can’t tell why I decided to get to know you.

Perhaps I can’t even say if it was ever love, that kind of love.
I can tell you one thing though; there was something I couldn’t pinpoint.
There was something I could feel, that I’ve never felt before.

That something.
That something was the reason why I was drawn to you.

It was and it is, a something I don’t think many people feel.
It’s like, it was meant to be.
It’s like the universe for sure had planned that you and I meet.
it’s like the universe made sure, that I could feel this feeling in my gut.
This feeling, which isn’t love, which isn’t explainable.
This feeling which just makes sure, I don’t let you go.

I was told the feeling, the thing I couldn’t pinpoint, was that I was in touch with my masculine side, and you so with your feminine.
And therefore we are the same, and the opposite.
The same because we are in touch with both sides, the opposites because we are not the same gender.

Do I love you?
Its really weird, how I cant say yes, but I cant say no either.
Most importantly, I won’t say I don’t know.
Because deep down I know the answer, and the answer is yes and no.

I care for you, deeply. I love, our connection.
However, if I have to feel it deep down in my gut right this moment, do I love you?
No. I don’t feel in love. I don’t feel that ‘feeling’. But very importantly I am not driven by my ‘bad habits’.
I don’t spend time with you, because I don’t know how to be alone.
I don’t spend time with you, to use you for what I cannot give myself.

Have I learned to love myself yet? No.
I am not there yet. I cannot this moment say, I love myself fully.
But one day I can, when that day comes, I will be ready to love.
The same for you.

You cannot love anyone, unless you love yourself.

I wanted you so badly to be my one.
I wanted you so badly to understand what life is about.
I wanted you so badly to be the man I was in need of.

In the middle of all my selfishness, I forgot you, I forgot who you really were.
I didn’t love you for who you were, I loved the illusion of who I wanted you to be.
I didn’t see you for you.

Now, now things are different.
You’ve changed. You’re still changing.
You’re still not the man I am searching for.
However I always saw potential in you, that feeling.
And now I know I wasn’t wrong.
You are still not that man yet, but I am sure you will become that man.

So after all Universe, you made me his eyes, you made me see what he couldn’t see.
In the end Universe, I’ve finally understood, that I was supposed to be the key to open up the lock.

I don’t think I’ve ever felt about anyone, the way I’ve felt about you.
I had this vision, which I believe, was of your future.
I can already see it unfold.

I knew your potential, before you knew it yourself.

Do I love you?
Yes, I love the man I know you will become.
There is not one ounce of doubt in me regarding that.

Perhaps I was never in love with who you showed the world you were.
Perhaps I was in love with you on a level out of this world.
I think I was in love with the future you, I could feel his presence so deeply in my heart that I was hurt because he was so far away. He was trapped, imprisoned by whoever was standing before my eyes.

It is no coincidence that you and I met.
It is no coincidence.

We may not be for one another now.
We may not be for one another ever.
Or we may. Only time will tell.
But one thing is for sure, we will always be something for one another.
No one can take that away.

You are not just anyone.
You activate a gut feeling in me, that tells my instincts, that you are not just anyone.

We have to evolve on our own.
But we don’t have to be alone.
But we cannot find the love within each other or others, if we don’t find the love within ourselves.

Maybe you are one of my soulmates, perhaps we don’t just have a single one.
Perhaps we have many.

I just want you to know, that I want you in my life.
I don’t want you as a partner right now.
But I want you in my life.
I think the Universe has brought us together again.
If we drift apart, I have a feeling the Universe will bring us back together again in the future…
You and I met for higher reasons than why most people do, that I what I believe.
The Universe has it all planned out.

mornings.

Dew.

Dewy windows.

The sound of birds chirping and singing.

The smell of freshly brewed coffee.

The fresh smell from the bakery of all the yummy goods, sweet and savory.

Morning.

The fresh start of a day.

*

Rush.
Cars honking.
Crowds of people.
People rushing through.
Everyone are wrapped up in their own minds.
They all fail to notice the beauty surrounding them.

Everyone are in a hurry. Everyone are stressed.

Mornings.

Mornings are supposed to be calm. A good start to the day.
What a time to activate all your senses and positive thinking.

Mornings.

What a time to be alive, you woke up, you were granted another day.

Enjoy the little things. Activate your sense. Feel life, dont just live it.
Be alive, dont just exist.

Questions.

It is not until you experience emptiness that you understand your size in the universe.

It is not until you understand how uncomfortable you feel in your own company, that you realize how little you love yourself.

It is not until you realize that you don’t love yourself that you start looking at the reasons why.

Once you start to look at the reasons behind the lack of selflove, you start to analyze.

When you analyze, you become aware.

Once you become aware, you start to question.

As you start to question, you begin to wonder.

It is not until you wonder, that you truly question.

It is not until you wonder, that you truly understand.

It is not until you truly understand, that you seek answers.

Once you seek answers, you will either get them or get more questions.

Sometimes the wisdom does not lie within the answers, sometimes it is the question, and the ability to question that makes you wiser.

 

Hello, my name is B.

B for:

Bold.
Beautiful.
Brilliant.
Banging.
Blissful.
Boss.
Booming.
Brainy.
Bodacious.
Bubbly.
Blithesome.
Better.
Blameless.
Blase.
Brave.
Best.
Breathtaking.
Beloved.
Believable.
Benevolent.
Boundless.
Ballsy.
Blooming.
Broadminded.

 

Could you find at least 3 words that you are?

Never forget how beautiful you are ❤

 

 

Social media pt. II

“I’m good enough.”

“I’m popular.”

“I’m loved.”

“I’m hot.”

“Yes. Yes I am”, she said with doubt in her voice.
Desperately shuffling through instagram.
“Oh look at this girl. Omg she’s so pretty. Gosh.”
She looks in the mirror and thinks to herself: “If only my nose was smaller, if only I weighed a little less… I wish my ass was fuller. Urgh, why cant my hair be big and luscious like those girls with perfect hair…”
Starring at her reflection with critical eyes, repulsed by what she sees. So obsessed with the thought of being flawless, she fails to see that she is a natural beauty herself.

“I’m sexy.”

“I’m wanted.”

“I’m cool.”

“I’m totally good enough.”

“Look at you handsome! Damn!” He said trying to convince himself that these complements were truthful.
He looks in the mirror and flexes his muscles, “I wish my biceps were bigger, I wish my chest was more cut… I wish I looked more like those professional bodybuilders.”
He desperately goes on his instagram, “I’m good, I’m good. Look! Look at all those girls liking, commenting and following you man, you’re the shit. See, they think you’re sexy as hell. The girls want you man, you’re more than good enough.”
He looks back in the mirror and thinks “…but if only…”

Desperately hurt by their own thoughts and insecurities they cling on to their phones.
Snap, snap, snap… Wait, another one, snap.

*Choose picture*
“Hmm… Filter or no filter?”

Maybe if I put this picture up that guy, whose attention I want so bad, might notice it. She uploads a selfie. “What should I caption this? It needs to seem like I’m cool, I love myself and I’m unbothered… Hmm…” She writes, then deletes, then writes, and deletes. “Okay I got it, ‘Feeling grateful’… Or… ‘Unbothered’ … No wait, that will make it seem as if I am bothered… He’ll know, he’ll definitely know…” She thinks and thinks, “Strawberry kisses. Yes. It doesn’t mean anything and its random, but I’m throwing a kissy face selfie, so yea… My kisses taste like strawberries, because they’re sweet! Yes, thats good.” *Upload*

She sits glued to her screen. *Refresh* 1 minute passes, *refresh*. She waits… She watches… “Who’s liking my picture? Who’s commenting? Urgh! I wonder if he’s seen it… Wonder if he’ll like it when he does see it.” *Refresh* “Okay I’m going to check what people I am following are liking…” *Scrolls* “Wait what, thats him! Oh my god, he’s liking girls pictures… Who’s this girl… Gosh… Is she prettier than me? What does she have that I don’t have? … Why isn’t he liking MY picture? … Fuck… I’m not good enough… I knew it… Maybe I should delete it… I can’t look at this anymore, going back to my own profile.” *Refresh feed* “Aww cute cat… DAMN what a hot bod… Wait… That’s him, he just uploaded this… Why hasn’t he liked my picture? Fuck it, I’m not gonna like his picture either…” *Keeps on scrolling* “Fuck…” *Goes back to guy’s photo* “Let me see who has liked his pictures… Oh gosh it that girl whose picture he liked, I wonder if they talk… Maybe they’re really into each other. Shit, she just commented… Oh my god. Okay he definitely likes her and she likes him, and he’s totally talking with her, why else would she comment on his picture like that. Fuck it, maybe I should unfollow him?” *Refreshes likes on own picture* “Wait, what? He liked my picture??? What the hell… Oh, I knew it, he still thinks I’m hot, because why the hell not – I totally am! I mean, look at me. I guess I can like his back too then… But I gotta wait at least five minutes first.”
He scrolls through his ‘discover page’ pictures of pretty girls come up. *Like, like, like* “Better like these girls’ pictures to see if they like me back, oh wait I should upload that sixpack picture I took before.” *Uploads picture*
“Oh dope! That hot girl liked my picture back! And commented… She thinks I’m hot!” *Looks in mirror* “Well… I am quite handsome, what can I say. Oh she followed me too! Hmm I should follow her back…” *Follows* *Goes to feed and refreshes*
“Oh it’s that girl… She’s cute and natural… I like that.” *Likes her picture* “She uploaded that not long ago, maybe she’ll see my picture too… I hope she likes it. Too bad she doesn’t talk much, I guess she’s not really interested… Maybe she has a boyfriend or something… Or… Does she not think I’m hot?” *Scrolls, likes, scrolls* Ten minutes passes whilst he’s looking through instagram, looking at other guys – comparing himself. *Refreshes likes* “OH! She liked my picture! I guess she does think I’m pretty hot… Cool.”

 

And so they proceed their games and lies, whilst none of the two know that they have a good eye for one another… None of them know how the other person feels or what they think.

They both suffer in silence, whilst putting up a facade.

She uploads pictures of her body, selfies, social activities and so on – she wants people to think that she’s so confident about herself… She loves herself, people love her – she has friends! Her life is so awesome…
Whilst in reality its nothing but…

He does the same, pretending he’s heartless, a player, that he got his game right… That he has money to buy awesome clothes and shoes and so on. He pretends like he has a lot of self confidence and that his selection of dream girls is endless… Whilst in reality he seeks something else deep down – but he ignores this feeling, because he doesn’t have feeling… Or so he tries to convince himself.

social media complexities.

We’ve all got insecurities.
We’ve all got complexities.

We all pretend we’re not insecure.
We all pretend we don’t have complexities.

We like to pretend that we are full of self confidence.
That our self esteem is as high as can be.
That we are happy.
That everything couldn’t be better as of right now.

We want to convince the world that we are great, we are beautiful, we are everything nice with an addition of spice.
We want to pretend, and we want them to confirm our play-pretend.

We yearn to be accepted, confirmed and loved.
Fake acceptance, confirmation and love.

We’re blind.

We’ve become so good at lying that it all seems as real to us as it does on the screen.
We’ve forgotten what the reality of things are.

We’ve forgotten who we are.

Who am I?

Who am I, if I am not that person that portrays themselves on social media?
Who am I, if I do not get at least 100 likes?
Who am I, if I don’t get more likes or follows than ‘that other person’?

Who am I?
Who have I become?
Who is this play-pretend person?

It’s not me.

This person looks confident, unbothered and happy.
This person, that bears my face.
Behind that facade lies the pieces of a person with low self-esteem, insecurities, acceptance-seeking issues and negative thoughts.

Who are we without social media?
Who are we when we’re not on display?
WHO are YOU?
WHO am I?

You don’t know me.
I barely know me.
Even if you knew me a month ago, I am not the same anymore.
I am on a journey.
Everyday I am changing.
Changing towards the better.
As every day passes, you will know me less and less.

I am not who you think I am.
I am not who I’ve portrayed myself to be.
I am me. A me that has yet to come out.
You will see.
You will experience this ‘me’, but you will never truly know me.