“What I really love about you…”

“How could I not want to kiss you?” He questioned.
“You are beautiful. You’re smart. Everything.”

She smiled. She was flattered, but yet she stod by her feelings – she wasn’t going to kiss him. Kissing changes things. Kissing means something, kissing is not something she was ready for… She just couldn’t.

“You’re a good-looking girl, but what I like the most is your eyes… And your lips… But what I really love about you, is your smile.” He said.

“Wow.” She thought to herself. What beautiful, sweet and raw words had come out of this persons mouth. A person she barely knew. So brutally honest.

“I’ve been wanting to kiss you for a while now, but you’re hard to read.” He continued.

“I just… I just can’t… It’s too… Intimate… It changes things. I just… Can’t.” She replied. “I really like hanging out with you, its really wonderful. But I don’t feel anything, I just don’t. I haven’t been able to feel anything for a while now. I even told my ex this last week.”

Confused, he asked: “Wait, your ex? Did you have a boyfriend last week who’s now your ex or is this your ex from before?”

“My ex from before. We were still talking, and I just told him, that I don’t see a future.” She replied.

“Oh okay, I get it… Well… Are you sure? Not even a small peck? Just a tiny one?” He begged.

“Nope. Not going to happen, sorry.” She said with a playful calm but firm voice.

 

She left and even days after, she was still thinking of the event…
How incredibly sweet and nice his words were…
But also how incredible it was that guys in general can’t take a no, and how pathetic that essentially is – no matter how much they like you.
To her she realized, that a man who 100% accepted and respected her boundaries was what she wanted. Every guy she talked to brought her closer to knowing what she truly wanted.

Now she definitely knew that she wanted a guy who put it out there, but would respect her response, and rather than push – just wait for her to make the move.

Destiny is real.

Every person that I meet.
Every person that I form some kind of relationship with,
makes me wonder what their role in my life is.

Are they messengers? Lessons? Blessings?
What’s their role?
Why have our paths crossed?
I don’t believe anything is coincidental.

No.

Everything is meant to be, therefore there is a reason behind it.
What that reason is, is not always clear though…
It takes time to reveal itself.

I feel brave.
I feel strong.

I feel braver than ever.
I feel stronger than ever.

I’ve never loved myself as much as I do right this moment.
I’ve never accepted myself as much as I do right now.
I’ve never cherished myself as much as I do today.

I am amazing.
I am special.

That’s how I truly feel.
I don’t feel normal, I never have.
There was just something about me,
since forever, that wasn’t ‘normal’.

I was never meant to be like everyone else,
I was never meant to live an ordinary life.
So I wont.

There’s a meaning with everything.
It has taken me a year to figure out your meaning,
and even now I can’t be 100 that I’ve found the final meaning.
You’ve given me a lot, by taking.
I’ve finally understood it all.
It wasn’t love. It wasn’t because y0u’re my soulmate.
It was simply connected to myself and my past.
It was all me, all along. It was never about you,
you were just a canvas for my projection.

 

You will miss…

You will miss the sparkle in my eyes,

the smile on my lips,

the softness of my skin.

You will miss my natural scent,

my laugh, my kindness and my hair.

You will miss my humour,

my deep thoughts, my mind,

and knowledge.

You will miss my company,

worry, care and love.

You will miss the warmth of my body,

my hugs and kisses.

You will miss my loyalty, honesty,

sensitivity and courage.

You will miss my face.

You will miss my personality.

You will miss me.

You will miss me when its too late for me to care.

You will know this when its too late for you to share.

 

21 hours.

21 hours.

That’s how long ago the scene I replay in my head occurred.

21 hours.

Not even a full day.

Yet it feels like it was ages ago.

*

I see your face.

I hear your sweet words.

Your gentle touch.

But I feel no love.

Forcing something that was never meant to be.

It’s like forcing yourself to eat something you’re allergic to.

It might taste good and feel good in that moment,

but you’ll soon realize that it is a bad idea.

You’ll realize how the aftermath of it,

was not worth the short satisfaction.

However, you will be smarter now,

therefore there is nothing to regret in the end.

In the end,

we’re just two souls in search of our mate.

We could be compatible, but we’re not.

If you were only this, this and this,

but the matter of fact is: you’re not.

The person I wish for, is not the person you are.

“See the man in front of you, not the goal.”

For long I was blind,

but now I see,

that you and I were never meant to be.

 

I wish you’d…

I wish you’d hold my hand,

tell me that nothing else in this world matters.

I wish you’d look into my eyes,

tell me that in this whole world there only the two of us.

I wish you’d tell me, that we’ll walk together, through this life.

Through the ups and downs.

I wish you’d tell me that you’ll be my rock.

Someone I can always count on and lean on.

I wish you’d tell me that you truly love me,

from the bottom of your heart and your whole being.

I wish you’d take my hand,

not to lead me,

not to follow me,

but to walk by my side.

 

I wish we could walk through life hand in hand, heart to heart and mind to mind.

I wish our connection was so strong everything else would become blurred.

A blurred world where the only clarity would be the two of us.

A world where the only thing that truly mattered, and calmed our heart, was the company of one another.

I wish I could feel, deeply. I wish we both could.

heartbeat in ears.

I am sitting with my headphones on.

No music.

Silence.

I hear a beat.

I feel it.

I can hear my heartbeat.

I hear it through the pulse of my ears,

from the pressure of the headphones.

I close my eyes and listen.

How amazing it is that our heart beats.

How amazing is the function of our body.

The body mind connection.

Our heart beats without the help of our consciousness.

Like love, it just is.

And when it stops it dies.

We die.

Perhaps thats why love and hearts are connected.

Because both just are.

You cannot control love.

You cannot control the heart.

It just is, and when it stops being, it dies.

Heartbeat in my ear.

I am blessed with another day.

 

Mind Power?

Some things are not normal when it comes to me…

I’ve never quite thought how odd it is with my encounters and stories – sometimes they even seem unreal…

I never thought it was odd, I thought it was quite ordinary – or so.

However, with time, I have come to realize that the things I experience are not normal.
I don’t experience things like anyone else, things that happen to me don’t just happen to anyone…

I’m starting to think a might be an odd kind of special…

 

I had thought of ideas to what I could cook for my ex’s family… Because I had had dinner there quite a few times now, and I thought it would be nice for me to cook them something. My family has a different background than theirs, so I thought I’d find a traditional dish for them to try… – Stay with me, this was just thoughts that I was having…
Now what then happened was that his mother, surely, asks me – would you mind cooking us some traditional food sometime? Would love to try it…
What the hell, right?

Okay, single event, no biggie…
However…

I had a watch that was near to new, very very expensive… I’ve been meaning to sell it for about a year now… I thought about it, and thought about needing to sell it soon… THOUGHT.
Surely, later that day, my mother asks if its okay for her to buy it – because she wants to give it to someone as a gift…

WHAT THE HELL?

Two incidents? Where my thoughts ‘became real’… How is that even possible?
Incident one was sunday and incident two was yesterday… So…
It’s pretty strange…

Heavy heart.

I feel a burden to my heart…

Dear Universe,
what is happening?

What is this stone I feel on my heart?
A stone so heavy its pulling my heart,
deeper and deeper into water.
As the water surrounds and enters my heart,
my heart tries to stay alive by pumping.
Pumping the water out my eyes.
Rolling. Rolling. Rolling.
Stop.

Heavy heart and no tears.
As I can’t cry, I cant ease my heart.
As I can’t ease my heart, it stays heavy.

Oh God, what is this that I feel?
Why are my feelings always so deep.
Like roots of a hundred year old tree,
with a tight and complex grip on my chest.
Heavy. Tight. No escape.

Am I losing someone?
Am I not being honest?
What is this burden trying to tell me?