Trust issues?

I don’t think I trust people… I don’t trust anyone. I can’t trust anyone…
And I think that may be a problem…
I don’t trust or believe the words people say and I don’t really believe much in actions anymore either.
I don’t know… I just don’t feel like I can trust on anyone. Count on anyone… Or even believe in anyone.

People are fake, confused, they got issues, needs… You name it. All the ‘wrong’ things that will make you ‘cling’ to a person. And therefore I always question people’s behaviors and motivation… I feel like I’m too tired of previous relations to care too much about forming new ones. It’s almost like I don’t care enough to put trust in people… Or perhaps I don’t trust enough to care about people… Either way, I’ve realized that I don’t trust and so I can’t be 100, I can’t let myself feel – like really feel. It’s like there’s a block. It’s an emotional and physical block. It’s a wall that prevents deeper feelings. It’s a blockage that prevents me from feeling and being 100% present with a person…

I don’t trust people to treat me right – because I don’t expect them to do so… And once you stop expecting certain behaviors, that’s when the lack of trust kicks in too. Whilst it’s good to not have expectations to a large degree, I think I’m getting to feel, see and know the downsides too. The downside is that I’m not letting myself truly feel, because I’m scared. Scared of getting hurt. Hurt comes from trust. Trust is sometimes built on expectations and partly certainty. Certainty towards a persons behaviors and actions, which goes back to expectations again really…

Do I have trust issues?
I wouldn’t say so really, I would just say that I don’t think I can count on or believe in anyone but myself really… And if that means I have trust issues, then I guess I do…

 

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