I’m not good enough.

Does it really matter if he is Mr. Right or not?
It’s not like I’m seeing anyone else or the opportunity of seeing someone else has come up. I wasn’t seeing anyone before him, not really, and I haven’t met anyone new either… So does it really matter if he’s right for me or not? I’m not losing anything anyway, I’m not closing doors… It feels good to have someone to give some love to and receive som love from. Physical touch feels good. Hugs. Kisses. It feels good. Isn’t that the most important thing? As long as it feels good – it can’t be wrong?

I’m still unsure if we’re a match for life. But does that even matter right now? I don’t think so. As long as I’m happy and it feels good – it’s right. Nothing wrong about it. Unless it makes me feel bad, unhappy or uneasy – anything negative, well then it would be time to stop. But I don’t. I don’t feel anything truly negative. I just have this issue with myself regarding trust and fear I need to get over. I have no reason not to trust him. But I have this fear and insecurity about myself, about not being good enough… About someone else being better, or a better choice and I’m just the choice for now until something better comes along…
And perhaps I have that fear because I have the same thought myself. “What if something better comes along”. But I also know, that when I am committed I don’t get those thoughts, like I never look at someone and think they could be better. That line of thought is completely inexistent in my mind. But I do think it. “What if this isn’t it? What if there is something better?” And perhaps because I think it myself, I fear someone else thinking that too…

‘I’m not good enough’. I didn’t realize it until I just wrote it. That I still have this nagging feeling regarding so many things, that I am not good enough. That I am not enough… I guess that’s something I really need to work on.
Because I am… I am enough. I am good enough. And I am more than enough… The only problem is just that whilst I may sort of know this, I obviously dont believe it.

I guess that’s a new focus point for me. Start believing that I am good enough.

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