greener on the other side.

He thought the grass was greener on the other side,
little did he know it was just his pride.

Blinded by his pride and dellusions,
he chose to chase an illusion.

An illusion that would never be,
an illusion far from reality.

He thought the grass was greener on the other side,
but it was just a fantasy based on a lie.

A lie he had told himself out of fear,
because his mind was unclear.

His mind was unclear about love,
was love like a hand in a glove?

Or was love like milk to a cookie?
He was confused, a simple rookie.

A rookie that did not understand,
why he was just a boy and not a man.

He was not a man because he was helpless,
he was a boy because he was selfish.

He did not care what or who he destroyed,
the most important thing was his enjoys.

A confused and dellusional boy,
he thought the world was his toy.

Life has no mercy and does not spare,
soon this boy found himself in dispair.

Was love even possible or was it truly rare?
He met someone who taught him how to care.

Caring made him vulnerable and had his mind stirred,
it was promiscuity and no feelings he prefered.

He thought the grass was greener on the other side,
so he chose to give in to his pride.

Pride and ego – the perfect cocktail,
the perfect blend if you wish to fail.

He chose the other side, because he thought it was greener,
little did he know it would turn into a misdemeanor.

 

 

 

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Ego’s way

His ego was bigger than his heart,
stronger than his will,
and superior to his happiness.

His ego controlled not only him,
but his entire life.

He nurtured his ego,
more than he nurtured his inner self.

Ego, ego, ego.
The thief of his happiness.
The dictator.
The happiness robber.

He chose ego every time,
and in doing so he rejected happiness.

He would rather be proud,
feel superior and powerful,
have his will and control,
than to feel the purity of the moment.

He had the chance to enjoy,
but he chose to destroy.
He couldn’t get his way,
so he chose to run away.

He put his ego first,
instead of clenching his thirst.
His ever longing thirst for love,
happiness and mindfulness.

If he couldn’t have his way,
he would rather call it a day.

Instead of cherishing the moment,
he chose to crave for the future.
Rather than taking what he could have,
he chose to have nothing at all.

Ego’s way, or no way at all.

I need myself.

I don’t want a lover.
I don’t need you as a friend.
I don’t know what I need you as.
I just know, I don’t want to lose you.
I know that it’s best for you to not be here.
I don’t need the confusion you’re bringing along.
I can’t deal with you and your behaviors, it’s not my job.
So I’d rather just set you off into a boat, and wave goodbye to you.
Whilst I wave I know that something better is awaiting me on the other side.
I just need to pack my bag with the right things before I start my journey to the other side.
I know that when I get there, everything will work out for the better.
Every step of my journey so far and to come will be worth it.
When I get there everything and step will make sense.
I need clarity, peace, spirituality and self-love.
I don’t want to lose myself for anyone.
I need to be there for myself first.
I need to be my own friend.
I need to be my own fan.
I need myself.

 

21 hours.

21 hours.

That’s how long ago the scene I replay in my head occurred.

21 hours.

Not even a full day.

Yet it feels like it was ages ago.

*

I see your face.

I hear your sweet words.

Your gentle touch.

But I feel no love.

Forcing something that was never meant to be.

It’s like forcing yourself to eat something you’re allergic to.

It might taste good and feel good in that moment,

but you’ll soon realize that it is a bad idea.

You’ll realize how the aftermath of it,

was not worth the short satisfaction.

However, you will be smarter now,

therefore there is nothing to regret in the end.

In the end,

we’re just two souls in search of our mate.

We could be compatible, but we’re not.

If you were only this, this and this,

but the matter of fact is: you’re not.

The person I wish for, is not the person you are.

“See the man in front of you, not the goal.”

For long I was blind,

but now I see,

that you and I were never meant to be.

 

I wish you’d…

I wish you’d hold my hand,

tell me that nothing else in this world matters.

I wish you’d look into my eyes,

tell me that in this whole world there only the two of us.

I wish you’d tell me, that we’ll walk together, through this life.

Through the ups and downs.

I wish you’d tell me that you’ll be my rock.

Someone I can always count on and lean on.

I wish you’d tell me that you truly love me,

from the bottom of your heart and your whole being.

I wish you’d take my hand,

not to lead me,

not to follow me,

but to walk by my side.

 

I wish we could walk through life hand in hand, heart to heart and mind to mind.

I wish our connection was so strong everything else would become blurred.

A blurred world where the only clarity would be the two of us.

A world where the only thing that truly mattered, and calmed our heart, was the company of one another.

I wish I could feel, deeply. I wish we both could.