Living for the weekend isn’t living.

When I was younger I used to escape reality all the time…

Reading, TV shows or movies, music and daydreaming. All of it on the daily…

I used to dream before going to sleep, just to experience certain things I felt were so far from reality… Not human reality, just my current reality.

Escaping. I guess that was my thing, I loved to escape and imagine myself being someone else, living some other life… I guess that was what kept me going, the hope that better times would come? I’m not sure… But it was my drug.

Now? Today… It’s like life is just… Meaningless. Everything is as unreal as it is real.

We’re like ants on this planet except we cause destruction, pain and suffering. Our existence is causing everything on earth to die… Yet we’re too selfish to see that…

We wake up everyday to go to work. Make money so we can ‘survive’ and keep the cycle going. We live for the weekends… How wrong is that? The weekend is 2 days out of the 7 days of the week. Which basically means we only enjoy about 30% of our week… So only about 30% of our entire life is truly enjoyed? If we live to see 100 years that would be 70 wasted years… Honestly, that’s not a life worth living in my eyes… Every day should be enjoyed, and the start of the week should  be what we look forward to – a new week, clean slate. Not the weekend, because then we’re living wrong. Then we live for things to end and not for things to start… And that doesn’t really seem right, does it?

Right now, I won’t lie… Every day is a struggle, I try to remind myself how lucky I am and grateful… But when you’re in the middle of a storm that just seems to get worse, its not easy. And in reality it’s my own fault that the storm isn’t calming down but only getting worse… Yet I feel like I don’t have the power to stop it… Or perhaps even the will… All because I don’t see the point? I don’t start and not finish – this is why I’m going through the storm – no other reason. I don’t know anymore about anything and quite frankly I wish the level of writing I’m at right now would be the same for my paper – but it’s not. I’m tired. I’m sick and tired of putting myself through this pressure… I’m stressing, I know, but honestly I am not enjoying this… But I just have to, like a duty, I just have to get it over with… It’s not out of love or passion, it’s out of principle and obligations. It’s not from the heart it’s from the head.

Sometimes I truly wish I could just daydream and make it reality – how wonderful would that be?

I leave prints in people.

Anyone that truly gets to know me, can never really forget me.
Time after time I have had people come back and tell me what an impression I’ve had on them.
However this is something I sort of just realized… Now.

I guess I have a special energy or something.
I know it sounds crazy… But sometimes it feels as if I was chosen, chosen for something…
Other times I feel like I’m crazy, that I talk too much and that I’m too opinionated.

I don’t have all the answers in the world, but I have many. I do not believe that I know everything there is to know, I truly believe that I like anyone else will die and still have much I didn’t have time to learn – and that will be true to anyone as life is temporary and learning is infinite.

However I do believe I am more enlightened than many, especially within my own agegroup…

Although I have a hard time understanding the meaning of life, I accept that I am here and there may perhaps never be a meaning to life apart from the meaning I give to my own.

I’m not sure what my role in this world is, but I am sure that I am one of the few that will participate in making it a better place.

 

what’s my purpose?

I’m not sure how I feel.

What are my skills? What do I want in life?
What’s my purpose?

I feel like I have a lot of ‘talents’ or… Perhaps the right way to say it is – I have a lot of potential talents. I have different talents that all could be improved to be something extraodrinary…

So which do I choose? Or do I not choose?
Am I supposed to let the talent choose?
I can’t quite tell…

What’s my purpose? How will and can I contribute to this world?

I feel like I am chosen and destined for something great – without sounding like a complete looney.
I feel like I have the ability to impact people’s lives… Maybe that’s my true calling? I can’t quite tell…
And do I need to?
Am I supposed to limit myself? Or can I do it all? Yet I believe that starting somewhere and specializing within that is the right way to go… But is there even a recipe?
Or do I just it all? Or do I just try and do it all and see which of them works best for me?

I’m confused.
I am somebody, yet I am nobody…

I am magic.

I don’t know what I want to do.
I don’t know where I will end.
But one thing I do know; I will get far in life.

Once I figure out what I want, I know I will get there.
I know.

I know I was destined for great things. I just haven’t found my calling just yet.
But I know I am not ordinary.

I am magic.

What about you?

Settling is my new enemy.

There will always be something new to see.

Something new to try.

Someone new to meet.

NEW.

You will never get to experience everything in life, because the amount of experiences and people out there are infinite.

And you know what, that’s okay… As long as you don’t feel like every day is the same day, then you’ve made a life for yourself that’s worth living.

Staying in the same lane and never out of your comfort zone is not where you find growth, it’s where you find comfort. It’s not where you find growth because you’re not being challenged, you’re not learning much new and that does’nt give you the chance to broaden your horizon.

I love my life. I love life. I love myself.

I love the person I have become, the person I was – because she lead me to where I am now, and the person I will become.

I am brave.
I am adventurous.
I am beautiful.
Inside out.

I’d rather be alone than settle.
I’d rather struggle in every aspect that settle.
Settling is not where I find happiness.
I find happiness in myself, in knowing that I haven’t settled.

I don’t ever want to feel like there was something I COUDL’VE done, but I DIDN’T.
No… Anything I want to do, I CAN DO, so I have no reason not to.
At the same time I respect that time is essential too, most things don’t come overnight… But hell, if I don’t try and try, till I succeed… Then my life has no purpose, because settling doesn’t give it purpose.

A few things I’ve decided to NOT DO anymore:

  • settle for a guy/love
  • settle for my future occupance
  • settle in general

Why should I go for average, when I don’t believe I am average myself?

No, nope, nah. That’s not a life I wanna live, it’s time for me to chase my dream and inner power.

It’s time for me to find my true calling and fullfil it.

It’s time for me to reaveal the real me to the world.
And the world will love it.
Guaranteed.

Jealousy is an ugly thing…

Jealousy is an ugly thing.

I’ve noticed that people distance themselves when you go chase your dreams.
Whenever you do something they don’t dare to do themselves, they secretly hate you.
They distance themselves, all promises they ever made to you about being there for you just go out the window. They don’t mean it, because deep down they envy you and hate you for doing something they can’t.

I’m equal to them, they have the opportunity of going out into the world too – just like me, but they choose not to.

Friends. Friends are people that are by your side no matter what, people that always want to know how you are – especially when you’re in a difficult position. It’s not the people that cling to you when you are physically there… No, because its not difficult to find someone else to cling on to.

It’s true what they say, once you change towards the better, you see how people around you disappear.

Jealousy is an ugly thing…

I will win.

I will win.
I will win.
I will win.

Because… You have to believe it to make it real.
I believe it, I believe that I will win.
I will win.

I am nothing but a winner.
There’s a winner and that’s ME.

I will win.

Dear Universe,
I want to win. I want to win today. I want to win in every aspect of life.
Today I will win. I WILL WIN.
I am the winner.
I want to win at life, I want to help others win.
I want to feel like a winner everyday, that is why I try to be as grateful as I possible can.
I am grateful for what I have, I have more than I need, I have more than most.
Most importantly I have myself, I have my life.
Although it can make me sad sometimes to feel like I have no one else but myself, I realize at least I still feel a desire to live.
Tough days come, fortunately so do good and wonderful days.
Take the good with the bad.
It’s all a matter of perspective… A situation is how it is no matter what, however it comes down to the glasses you are wearing – how do you perceive the situation?

I am blessed. Things could be worse and trust that this is true. Things could be worse, so be grateful that they are not.
I am a winner.
I want to win.
I will win.
I WILL WIN.