Jealousy is an ugly thing…

Jealousy is an ugly thing.

I’ve noticed that people distance themselves when you go chase your dreams.
Whenever you do something they don’t dare to do themselves, they secretly hate you.
They distance themselves, all promises they ever made to you about being there for you just go out the window. They don’t mean it, because deep down they envy you and hate you for doing something they can’t.

I’m equal to them, they have the opportunity of going out into the world too – just like me, but they choose not to.

Friends. Friends are people that are by your side no matter what, people that always want to know how you are – especially when you’re in a difficult position. It’s not the people that cling to you when you are physically there… No, because its not difficult to find someone else to cling on to.

It’s true what they say, once you change towards the better, you see how people around you disappear.

Jealousy is an ugly thing…

I will win.

I will win.
I will win.
I will win.

Because… You have to believe it to make it real.
I believe it, I believe that I will win.
I will win.

I am nothing but a winner.
There’s a winner and that’s ME.

I will win.

Dear Universe,
I want to win. I want to win today. I want to win in every aspect of life.
Today I will win. I WILL WIN.
I am the winner.
I want to win at life, I want to help others win.
I want to feel like a winner everyday, that is why I try to be as grateful as I possible can.
I am grateful for what I have, I have more than I need, I have more than most.
Most importantly I have myself, I have my life.
Although it can make me sad sometimes to feel like I have no one else but myself, I realize at least I still feel a desire to live.
Tough days come, fortunately so do good and wonderful days.
Take the good with the bad.
It’s all a matter of perspective… A situation is how it is no matter what, however it comes down to the glasses you are wearing – how do you perceive the situation?

I am blessed. Things could be worse and trust that this is true. Things could be worse, so be grateful that they are not.
I am a winner.
I want to win.
I will win.
I WILL WIN.

The best.

I feel like I was always taught that thinking you’re the best is not a good thing…
I often associate that with being very narcissistic and smug…
Why am I better than anyone else? I’m not, that has been the thing I’ve told myself for so long that I forgot to give myself credit and believe in myself…
How can I ever actually be ‘the best’ if I don’t believe it? How will I ever make someone else believe that I am the best and most qualified if I don’t believe it myself?

I didn’t really realize this until… Well today really.
That I need to tell myself that I am the absolute best and most qualified, that I am amazing and if anyone can sweep the world off their feet – its me.
If you don’t tell yourself that, how will you ever make it? I’m so over putting myself down. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m the best.
What makes someone else better? No one is better than me, there are plenty of people that do the same as me professionally – but there’s only one me. The person I am, the skills I have and so on, that’s what makes me the best. That’s why I am the best and why there isn’t really anyone that can offer the same as I can, they might be able to have some of the same skillsets because they have the same education – but they’re not me. There’s only one me and I am the best. The very best.

I have more skills than the average person, more educated than the average person and more selfconcious and selfaware than most people… On top of that the age that I have is a plus too, because I possess all of these qualities at a very young age – in comparisons to most people my age…

Do you also have a tendency to put yourself down? Well stop.
Look in that mirror and tell yourself: I am the best.
I AM THE BEST.
It doesn’t matter what the context it is…
Is there a job you really want? But you let selfdoubt take the better of you? DON’T.
Tell yourself: I am the best, no one is more qualified than me. Even if you don’t believe it, repeat it until you do. Because trust me it’s all about belief, if you believe it you can achieve it – it’s not about anything else… You need to persuade the world, but you need to start with yourself… Then you won’t even need to try to persuade the world because it will come naturally. You believe it, you preach it, they believe it too.
In the end its more about social qualities than it’s about actual skills…
So believe it, you are the best.

Fall in love with yourself.

She didn’t send you there without reason.

She sent you because she believed in him. She sent you because she believed in you.
It was as if a part of her from either the past or future, believed in you.

She knew what was hidden in you, whether it would come out in five, ten or twenty years, she knew what was there. She believed in you.
From time to time she doubted you, but once she let go of her own selfishness… She came to realize, she still believed that the man she loved whom did not yet exist, was within this body which held a face she loved so dearly. A face that didn’t impress her by the first sight, but a face that grew on her.
The smell of his body never turned her on either, until it became a scent that belonged to the past, to a memory, a period… She came to love every bit of him and yet not. What was love even? Did she ever really truly love him? No. She loved the thought of loving him… However she truly did care for him… But time is what it takes… And now she didn’t really care. Or did she? Why him?
There was something in the Universe, which she could only feel once they were apart.
Although she had her closure, she had a feeling that this was still – once again, not the end of things…

She didn’t want to focus much on what the Universe had planned in terms of him – and her, no – there were more important things to focus on.

She wanted to think of herself the way she thought of her soulmate. Why couldn’t she praise herself the same way?
She needed to understand, that just like you love every bit of your partner – you need to do the same with yourself… She needed to start telling herself: I love the texture of your hair and the smoothness of your skin.I love your eyes. I love your body. I love every inch of you…

Loving herself was yet one of her biggest challenges.

She believed in so many people, yet not herself.
She loved and cared for so many, yet not herself.

She realized it was time to stop and send all this energy towards herself.
She believed in him, when in the end she should just believe in herself.
She loved his face, when in the end she should love her own.
She loved his embrace, when in the end she should love her own company.

She realized that it was time to fall in love with herself.

 

Do you know why you’re high sometimes?

Do you ever think back sometimes and think ‘wow I was so happy at that time, everything was working out. Everything was great.’?

Well I do.

However I’ve noticed, the only thing that actually differs from then and now is the matter of fact that… You’ve chosen not to be happy. I know it sounds weird – but its true.

It’s all a matter of perspective… Things are as great as you want them to be, they are as great as you see them. You are as happy as you want to be, you really decide yourself how you feel… And you decide where you put the emphasis – on the negative or positive?

Just do whatever makes you happy. If you need alone time, do that. If you need to socialize do that… But always remember to think: ‘why do I need this?’ or ‘what will this give me?’ or ‘do I want to do this because I really want to, or is it rooted in something else?’.

It’s important to be self-aware and take care of yourself.

Get high from everything in life.

The night sky, the cloud-free sky in the day, the rays of sunshine, the luxury of having water access whenever you need it, the matter of fact that you can just turn on the water and take a shower, that you can walk, see, smell … Taste. Think about where your food came from, how it was made possible for you to eat it…
In reality everything in life and our daily life is truly amazing, we just don’t realize it. We forget… We don’t appreciate it enough…

Don’t worry – I am a sinner too.
However I try to remind myself as often as possible, that no matter what, I am truly blessed. And no matter what I am as happy as I want to be. As independent or dependent as I choose to be.
Everything is a choice, although it doesn’t always seem like it, everything in life is rooted in choice.

If it scares you, face it.

Easier said than done – I know.

BUT… If we constantly hold ourselves back because we’re scared… Will we ever make it?

I don’t think I’ve ever taken a chance or decision and been disappointed, I’ve always walked away with something.

Follow your heart, follow your gut feeling – don’t let your fear be the decision maker.

I’m scared. I wont lie. Of course I am.

I’ve been a student my whole life, even though I thought of myself as independent I now realize, being a student makes you everything but. I am scared of having to put myself in a position now and say ‘here I am and I am qualified for this, this and this.’.
Scared. Fear. No, that’s not right…

What am I missing? Confidence. Visions. Self-belief.
I do possess all of this – however none of these are as clear as they should be or 100%, and THAT is WHY I am scared. Why else?

I have decided that I now want to sell myself – however I feel like I have nothing to sell. Damn right I am scared. Damn right I am nervous. What else? I’ve never done this before… Which is all the more reason why I should try… If I fail, so what? Failure is not bad, failure makes you wiser and smarter. You can never lose, because there is always a gain in every decision – whether it is positive or negative. In reality all incidents are positive, because it’s a matter of perspective. They may hurt, but the fact that they happened, that aspect is positive. We don’t grow if we don’t learn and we don’t learn if we don’t fall from time to time.

But I am scared. I’m not going to backdown however, but I need a plan. I can’t ‘just do it’, not this time. I feel that all this planning is what’s making me anxious, but then again… I am looking for a specific outcome – I can’t get this outcome if I don’t plan. I have to prep my mindset too.

I need to declutter my mind. I’ve been trying to, but not hard enough. I have to eliminate all distractions as much as possible. Me. I need to focus on me, and I need to define how I do that…

Not sure how I feel.

I’m not sure how I feel anymore – about anything to be honest.

I don’t feel educated, qualified or able to do anything. I can’t believe I’ll be coming out with a very high degree soon, and yet, I don’t feel like I can own that title…
Why? I mean, I feel stupid to be honest. I feel like I can’t actually perform the types of jobs that I am supposedly qualified for… I don’t feel like I have enough experience and I don’t know what to do…

I feel lost.

I feel like I want to run away.

I want to run.

Run.

Run to somewhere far away.

Although that used to be something that excited me, it’s now something that scares me.

I think for the first time ever, I’m scared. Like generally nervous. I feel like a chapter in my life is about to end, and I’m not sure I’m ready.