If it scares you, face it.

Easier said than done – I know.

BUT… If we constantly hold ourselves back because we’re scared… Will we ever make it?

I don’t think I’ve ever taken a chance or decision and been disappointed, I’ve always walked away with something.

Follow your heart, follow your gut feeling – don’t let your fear be the decision maker.

I’m scared. I wont lie. Of course I am.

I’ve been a student my whole life, even though I thought of myself as independent I now realize, being a student makes you everything but. I am scared of having to put myself in a position now and say ‘here I am and I am qualified for this, this and this.’.
Scared. Fear. No, that’s not right…

What am I missing? Confidence. Visions. Self-belief.
I do possess all of this – however none of these are as clear as they should be or 100%, and THAT is WHY I am scared. Why else?

I have decided that I now want to sell myself – however I feel like I have nothing to sell. Damn right I am scared. Damn right I am nervous. What else? I’ve never done this before… Which is all the more reason why I should try… If I fail, so what? Failure is not bad, failure makes you wiser and smarter. You can never lose, because there is always a gain in every decision – whether it is positive or negative. In reality all incidents are positive, because it’s a matter of perspective. They may hurt, but the fact that they happened, that aspect is positive. We don’t grow if we don’t learn and we don’t learn if we don’t fall from time to time.

But I am scared. I’m not going to backdown however, but I need a plan. I can’t ‘just do it’, not this time. I feel that all this planning is what’s making me anxious, but then again… I am looking for a specific outcome – I can’t get this outcome if I don’t plan. I have to prep my mindset too.

I need to declutter my mind. I’ve been trying to, but not hard enough. I have to eliminate all distractions as much as possible. Me. I need to focus on me, and I need to define how I do that…

Not sure how I feel.

I’m not sure how I feel anymore – about anything to be honest.

I don’t feel educated, qualified or able to do anything. I can’t believe I’ll be coming out with a very high degree soon, and yet, I don’t feel like I can own that title…
Why? I mean, I feel stupid to be honest. I feel like I can’t actually perform the types of jobs that I am supposedly qualified for… I don’t feel like I have enough experience and I don’t know what to do…

I feel lost.

I feel like I want to run away.

I want to run.

Run.

Run to somewhere far away.

Although that used to be something that excited me, it’s now something that scares me.

I think for the first time ever, I’m scared. Like generally nervous. I feel like a chapter in my life is about to end, and I’m not sure I’m ready.

I need myself.

I don’t want a lover.
I don’t need you as a friend.
I don’t know what I need you as.
I just know, I don’t want to lose you.
I know that it’s best for you to not be here.
I don’t need the confusion you’re bringing along.
I can’t deal with you and your behaviors, it’s not my job.
So I’d rather just set you off into a boat, and wave goodbye to you.
Whilst I wave I know that something better is awaiting me on the other side.
I just need to pack my bag with the right things before I start my journey to the other side.
I know that when I get there, everything will work out for the better.
Every step of my journey so far and to come will be worth it.
When I get there everything and step will make sense.
I need clarity, peace, spirituality and self-love.
I don’t want to lose myself for anyone.
I need to be there for myself first.
I need to be my own friend.
I need to be my own fan.
I need myself.

 

Remember, to remember.

You can’t force things.
You can’t force it. So stop trying to.

Just accept that.
Accept it and move on.

Think about what it is that is really bothering you,
and put yourself first.
Do you!

Do you.
You come first.

It’s not about anyone else but yourself.
You, you, you.

Tomorrow, sit your ass down, think.
Remember.
Reminisce.
Set goals.
Daily.
Short term.
Long term.

Give your life purpose and meaning.
Give your everyday a purpose.

What do you want?
WHAT DO YOU WANT?

You don’t truly know, do you?
“I want a good life.”

Don’t we all?
But if you don’t define it, you can’t visualize it,
if you can’t do that – you can’t make it happen.

So remember, to remember.

The grass is greener…

“The grass is always greener on the other side.” 

False.

The grass is greener where you water it and care for it. 

End of story.

You choose where the grass is greener.

I choose to make the grass where I’m standing the greenest of all greens!
How? By taking care of it rather than admiring other grassfields and letting my own die whilst staring.

You see, you can keep moving and going to greener grassfields, however every green place you’ll go will die as you keep searching for an even greener spot. That’s not how anything in life works…

SO… With effort, work and care, you’ll get the greenest grass that will make others stare.
You choose: own the greenest field or be a starer. There are just the two choices…

His story.

I was traveling with a buddy in Asia, but the last night and day I was on my own. I was wondering how I’d manage, what I’d do and so on. The thought of wandering around by myself didn’t really seem appealing to me…

When I went to bed that night, by myself, I was hoping I’d meet people the next day.

When I woke up in the morning I decided I’d go hang out by the pool and get the last bit of tan.

When I walked up there I noticed this girl, “I have to get in contact with her somehow” I thought to myself.
She was with a guy who was laying on the bed next to her and next to him was some other guy who was by himself. I took the fourth bed.

After a while I decided to talk to the guy, who seemed pretty cool and chill, I thought that approaching her first would probably be too aggressive.

As I was talking to that guy I asked him where they were from. He replied and I was surprised by his answer, they were from two different countries. One of the countries was the same as mine… So I asked: “So, who’s from where.” And he replied and pointed at the girl as he mentioned my country.

“What?? We’re from the same country.” I thought to myself. So I started talking with her and told her that I hadn’t really met anyone from our country in this city. I was trying to connect with her. She seemed really nice.

I was overly excited, but I didn’t want this excitement to shine through. We had a little chat across all the beds and she went on with her tanning.

How could she just tan and resist the heat? She didn’t get up once to get in the pool…
However that wasn’t the case for me… As I was hanging in the pool, I thought, I want to talk to her some more. So I went ahead and splashed a bit of water on her. She took her music out of her ears and looked at me. “What’s up?” she said.

“Aren’t you getting hot at all?” I replied. “Nah, I’m fine.” She laughed.

We went on to talk for a bit, and she said that she was a bit hungry and asked if I wanted to grab something to eat a little later.
“Yea sure.” I replied. I was trying to make it seem as if, I wanted to hang out but not that I was eager to.

I managed to do a great job too, however deep down I couldn’t quite understand how this had really happened.

We went on and hung out that day and later in the evening I had to leave for the airport.
I’d had such a fun time with her, she didn’t really care about what I thought and she laughed and smiled a lot. She was silly and not too shy, it was a fun day.

I got her details before I left and messaged her when I landed. She was in transit when I landed, her flight was 8 hours after mine.

When we got home we started hanging out more and more…

I really like this girl, she’s full of surprises. Is she even real?
How did the Universe send me this girl?
Sure I asked for company that night when I went to bed…
But how did I manage to meet this girl?

She’s incredible…